medical school

a place where one learns how to live without s-x (see celibacy), money, food, and sleep, in that order. the ceremonial white coat given to all students after 4 yrs of medical school sends a clear message to onlookers that doctors don’t need s-x or sleep, but often indulge in either so as to “fit in”. ironically, after getting out of medical school, having previously learned to live without money, many doctors compensate by squandering their money on cheap wh-r-s and failed marriages.
“medical school helps me understand why i used to get erections and why i longer need them”

“i have nothing to talk about because i’m in medical school”

“i’m never going to get laid! might as well go to medical school”

“the first time i saw a v-g-n- was in anatomy lab”
the place biology majors go to have their dreams of becoming an ethical physician brutally slaughtered whilst simultaneously getting into insummountable debt.
“i have a 4.0 gpa, 10 years of my life i’m not doing anything with, m-s-ch-stic tendencies and the desire to owe an unforgiving financial inst-tution $200k at 24% interest…i know! i’ll apply to medical school.”
two long miserable years of boring science followed by two more years of witnessing the human body’s ultimate betrayal, followed by 4 more years of a) trying to get away from all the horrible needy freaks (including workers and patients) and b) trying not to get caught when you make mistakes.
i went to medical school because i wanted to help people, and all i got was this lousy student loan.
a place where one wastes the prime of his youth studying ridiculously long, hard, tedious, dry, and unbelievably boring subjects, which he will totally forget about after the exams. most likely going suicidal and severely depressed in the process, the stress will eat his life span like fire through wood, his hair starts to fall quite early, said subject’s diet consists of energy drinks and caffeine.

not only is one expected to be an academic genius, and a a g-d-like clinician, society demands that you become a social angel, smiling at everything and everyone, treating everyone like a king/queen, excellent with small talk, ..etc. basically you have to be the enslaved incarnation of mother teresa.

if you manage to pull it off, you will then discover a fact that will shake the boundaries of your life, and either drive you mad, or causes the return of the suicidal thoughts … the fact that medicine is the absolute most inaccurate science on the face of the earth, and i mean light years more inaccurate than chaos math; each case presentation will make the text book seem like a fairytale book.

come specializing, you will find that every chapter you’ve studied is in actuality a 3,000+ paged book. but that’s another story.
my gsce grades would’ve gotten me into any school i wanted, overwhelmed by the possibilities, i asked my so very proud parents for guidance, so medical school it was. i wasted my youth, i am not happy, i cut myself, i’ve been suicidal, i have no friends, i haven’t experienced anything in life beside studying and having an exam, my blood pressure has become steadily elevated, i’m severely out of shape, and my previously proud parents are now disappointed because i’m not doing well in school and that ‘i’m no longer the son they used to know’.
the place where rich white kids, smart asian kids, and h-rny indian kids come to learn that biochemistry is the subject of satan. oftentimes, these 4 years reflect regret in not learning korean (to decipher professors) instead of learning spanish (to decipher your patients). these 4 years are filled with defining “firsts” ex: first time white kid a screwed an asian girl. first time indian kid a got laid period. first time asian girl tried lesbian p-rn to pay for her abusive boyfriend’s car insurance.
overall: any prolonged experience that includes alcohol, 8am clinics with rectal exams, lab coats with unexplainable stains, and unsurmountable debt.
i went to dental school because i did not get into medical school.

i attend medical school because my indian father told me he would send me to india to get married if i didn’t.

did you need a refill for that vicodin? no problem, i went to medical school for a reason; to become a board certified drug dealer.
the place many see themselves gaining acceptance too, but if smart, divert paths. if one doesn’t reach the best conclusion of straying away, they might recieve acceptance. once acceptance is given, the student must learn and accept the fact that they are no longer the top student of their cl-ss, they are merely mid-par.

students will learn the sciences and strive to please their teachers and study for countless som exams and government examinations, and finally exiting the 2 years of condensed msi-ii year study believing that they could potentially make a positive impact on patients lives. msiii-iv brings about the reality that work normally goes unappreciated. years of internships and residencies allow the individual to gain further understanding that one should do the bare minimum to avoid law suits and potential complications.
pre-medical student : “i really want to enter medical school because of a genuine desire of helping the sick, i’m totally about medical service!”

me: “you are repressing your actual primary motivator, money. you should divert paths to nursing and become a crna…. make similar amounts with less responsibility and receive a schedule that provides sleep.”