Monroe, Michigan
a place where oxycontin is as commonly used as toothbrushes, every girl has at least one kid out of wedlock before her 21st birthday and where people who have a ‘nice’ double wide think that they’ve really made it in life.
person 1: “i live in monroe, michigan”
person 2: “wow, i’m really sorry for you”
a sad little town in michigan located north of toledo and south of detroit. no one loves monroe, because it is not very important. there’s lots of cornfields and the winters are long and cold. most people who live here spend their time thinking of ways to make other people miserable, because it is their only way to defeat severe cases of depression caused from a lack of sunlight and unemployment. some teenagers spend their time thinking of ways to leave for ann arbor or ypsi on the weekends. the ones without cars have to b-m rides from their friends or actually try to find something to do in monroe.. you could always go to the game. if you hate sports you’re pretty much screwed, unless you have enough money to buy several cups of cofee while sitting in a cafe listening to twelve year old emo kids whine about their lives. if none of these things sound appealing to you-make out with each other or m-st-rb-t- (these are really your only healthy options.) if you can’t keep it in your pants, use a rubber, because no one wants more miserable monroe biotches walking around on the streets. and as for “historical importance” sure.. custer lived here, but all he did was kill people anyways. why the h-ll does our town celebrate custer week? monroe is obviously a city filled with sick b-st-rds (literally..we always have the flu and were conceived out of wed-lock)
teen1: what do you want to do today?
teen2: i don’t know.. wanna go to ann arbor?
teen1: i can’t. i don’t have enough money for gas.
teen2: uhhh.. wanna go to the cafe?
teen1: i can’t i don’t have enough money for cofee.
teen2: let’s go to the park.
teen1: but it’s -20 degrees outside!
teen2: wanna make out?
teen1: i have a cold.
teen2: screw this! i’m going home to m-st-rb-t-.
teen1: i hate my life. i’m going to spend the rest of my day thinking of ways to make your life miserable! i hate you.
teen2: don’t hate me. hate monroe, michigan!
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