mormon

a group of brainwashed individuals who have an intelligence lower than r-t-rdation and are trained from birth to brainwash everyone around them. they do not understand normal social interaction.
he’s a mormon? didn’t they prove mormons have a lower social intelligence than autistic people?
165 more definitions
97% of the people in utah.

.003% of the people anywhere else.

these really really nice, clean-living people who believe some pretty weird stuff.
“well i usually try to be good, but i’m no mormon”
1. 99% live in utah.
2. napoleon dynamite is their hero.
3. believe green jello is a sacred food.
4. have 28045345.5 kids.
5. use slang curse words: oh my ____ (heck, gosh, fetch…)
6. pretty much have the hottest girls around…
oh my gosh are the smiths mormons?! we better have a party so they can bring some frickin’ sweet green jello!…
the slang term used to refer to members of the lds religion.
i gave the nice mormon missionaries cookies, and then told them to go away.
people who believe in the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints; also (less accurately) known as the mormon religion. being christian, (for they believe in and accept christ as their savior, and also strive to live a christ-centered and christ-like life), they also believe that jesus christ is what the bible says he is: the son of g-d the father. they do not believe in the trinity, but rather the g-dhead: that g-d the father, g-d the son, and g-d the holy spirit are physically seperate but one in purpose. many mormons live in utah, but the religion is practiced throughout the world. they believe in the bible and also the book of mormon. they believe that the church of jesus christ (the same church/religion that christ established when he came to this world) was restored to its fullness by joseph smith through the power of g-d for the preparation of the second coming of christ.
mormons are people too, yo.
apparently a very misunderstood religion. lets get the easy stuff out of the way first: “mormon” becasuse they have another testament of jc t-tled “the book of mormon”; they only people practicing polygamy are “fundementalist mormons” who are not -ssociated with the mormon religion at all (mormons are not polygamists); actual name of the church is the church of jesus christ of latter day saints, lds for short; and last of all not all of them wear name tags or ride bikes.

now joseph smith (founder) is believed to be a prophet, like moses or ezikiel. he is not worshiped only respected. they still have a prophet to day, who serves until he dies and then the next in line is chosen. he is believed to have been guided by a prophet from the past to a set of golden plates hidden in the woods of new york 100s of years ago. he excavated them, translated them and found them to compliment the bible not contridict it. and through many periods of divine instruction formed what him and his followers belived to be the closest religion to what jc had when he was in israel. the bom does not contridict the bible except to those who interpret it to do so.

church. they only go for three hours each sunday, where they recieve instruction from each other not one -ssigned preacher. as well as partake of the sacrament, very similar to many other christian religions. during the week each age group has and activity. (i.e. youth, adults, children) designed to enhance brotherhood and faith. thats it.

missions. a mission is a religous -ssignment from the chuch to spread their beliefs. like many religions do conicidently. all are volutary. the missionary (can be man, women, elderly couple) chooses to go, pays for the whole she-bang and serves his/her time “tracting”. they knock on your door and ask you if you want to hear about their church. 99% of all doors knocked on are by referal. (actually is church policy now i think). so instead of taking it out on these youngmen and women take it out on your friends that probably gave them your name and address. a mission does not have to be served to go to heaven.

heaven. they believe in three main divisions of heaven: telestial, terestial, and celestial. the equivelant of h-ll is “outer darkness” the only people who go there are those who know about god and jc and completely reject them as false. all others, really all of them (murders, war lords, hate mongers) have a place in one of the levels of heaven. all are paradisical in nature (except outer darkness which is exactly what it sounds like). in the lowest level you will find you hitlers, mureders and such. the second “good” people thats most of us. and last of all the top celestial, where god himself resides. those former mortals that live here are god like in all aspects. advancement is possible, but you can only go up not down.

big families. can’t really explain this one, they just like to f-ck i guess. after marriage ofcourse.

fact more mormons live in california than in utah. another fact some world headquarter buildings are in las vegas. although a high percentage of the population in utah is mormon it is increasingly smaller every year.

temples. they are not churches for regular worship. a certain degree of worhtiness must be established before entering. ( a simple interview with a leader about their lifestyle all taken on their word) the reason being is it is a model of heaven as they believe it. also mormon sealings, not weddings, ocur here. meaning the family is sealed together for all time and eternity so as to guaruntee there being together in heaven. and yes by proxy dead people can be sealed to living families. oh and you have to be atleast 18 to enter unless you are a child being sealed to a parnet or a youth (12-17) that are performing proxt baptisms for the dead.

baptism. pretty much your run of the mill submersion into water. john the baptist type of deal. usually done at eight which is the age determined for a child to make his/her own informed decision ( as biased as it may be).

over all beliefs> treat others how you want to be treated, the heaven thing, the bible ( yes the no sh-t king james version bible), and any other testiment of jc (including but not limited to the bom), families are forever, all basic christian belief. and yes they are christian.

sorry to burst all of those ignorant bubbles out there but mormons are no more a cult that the baptists, presbytirian, methodist, catholics, etc etc. just a normal christian faith with a less than normal beginning.

don’t get me wrong there are a few really pushy mormon -ssholes out there but there are a lot of pushy -ssholes from every religious sect out there.
an example would be that mormon kid at your school who you would never know he was mormon unless you asked him because he has none of the trademarks (666, horns, tail, baggy eyes from attending late night cult gatherings). just a normal kid, perhaps even a friend, doing his best to get to heaven, like so many of you poor opiated souls out there.
a very nice, generous, misunderstood group of non-gay, mostly white people. they don’t practice polygamy or have multiple wives except after death where men can have as many wives as they want. they try to do the best they can in life. they’re not perfect and don’t think they’re perfect unless but they do think they are better than non-mormons. they strive to work hard and get through life without much trouble. they don’t put down other religions, at least not to your face. they don’t think you’ll go to h-ll unless you’re gay or you’re in a different religion. they believe everyone has a chance to have eternal salvation, except the gays, and that heavenly father and jesus christ are two separate beings, and that christ created the earth for straight mormons only. they think they’re christian. they don’t think joseph smith (the translator of the book of mormon) is a god, just equal with jesus. they also believe he is a prophet of g-d. they aren’t here to overtake the world, even though their doctrine says they are. they try to allow everyone who would like to hear about their church to hear about it. and they also try to allow everyone who would not like to hear about it, hear about it as well. they understand that it’s your choice to join or not and they don’t force it upon you. however, they’ll force you to join once you’re dead so why fight it now? i know these things are true and i say them in the name of jesus christ, amen.
despite what you might have heard from the mormons, they actually do love gay people, as long as they stop being gay.
people who won’t stop coming to my doorstep to tell me the good news.
-knock knock-

-i walk to the door… open it, and i am greeted by mormons.-

mormon # 1

h-llo, i’m malachi and this is my friend bob. we’re here to tell you the good news!

me

…go on.

mormon # 2

well sir, we’re from the church of jesus christ of latter day saints. we want to tell you all about the book of mormon!

me

…um, okay.

mormon # 1

do you mind if we come in, sir?

me

…i guess so?

-5 hours later-

mormon # 2

now that you’ve been read the complete, unabridged book of mormon, how would you like to join our church?

me

oh, no thanks, i’ve got… agnosticism.

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