New Age Puritan
(1) a person who speaks of s-x abstractly, in terms of moonbeams and sunsets, rather than p-ssy and c-ck; (2) someone who projects the misogynistic history of p-rn onto all erotic imagery; (3) a person incapable of celebrating the physical beauty of human bodies; (4) an unattractive person feigning s-xual restraint, scholarly disinterest, and spiritual enlightenment in order to appear more soulful and attractive.
1) if that starry new age puritan sends me another photoshopped sunrise with a rumi quote i’ll burst into rainbows. “if you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?” that goes for you too! (2) i thought she was a new age puritan so i tried seducing her with sunflowers and poetry, even adopting this mangy three-legged cat from animal rescue — but as far as i can tell all she wants is s-x because she refers to my kitten as “the zombie” and encourages it to hunt nightingales; (3) that new age puritan would be terrified to know rumi had erections. all the time. horrible painful ones. (4) whenever i see a solitary woman in an interesting setting i whip out my camera and try to find an angle – never know if you’ll score an image that will take off among the new age puritans.
Read Also:
- newbie alfredo
a sweet fake name to have when you’re committing crimes gayby~ mannn who the smurf spaghettied my pimp mobile?? (his imaginary friend) i bet it was that d-mn newbie alfredo!! gayby ~ awwwhh snap im calling rick ross and jamie foxx miami’s gonna hear about this p–p
- Tablet Jackers
the f-ckers that steal your ipad or android tablet and play games on it for hours and often creates ipad traffic. alexis: hey man, you’ve been on my ipad for like 3 hours and the battery is almost dead. i need it back so i can write about you on urban dictionary. rebecca: hang on […]
- Tachina Rat
a fat rat that lumps as it walks like a caterpillar. the tachina rat tried to run quickly across the street, but it couldn’t move that fast because its belly was dragging on the ground.
- caffiene slut
someone that is a slave to caffiene and can’t live without it. suzy had her third coffee of the day, she’s such a caffiene sl-t.
- tacklehump
the process in which a tacklehumper leaps into the air and knocks down their victim. at which point they begin thrusting their pelvis into the victim (humping). typically this “humping stage” lasts only a short while, for the element of surprise is the predatorily tacklehumpers only advantage. the longer the tacklehumper stays in place the […]