Noob

a. intro
i. what is this?
ii. defining ‘noob’

b. common noob characteristics
i. noobish
ii. where to find noobs
iii. behavior of noobs
iv. noob religion
v. more about noob habitats

c. avoiding noobs
i. make sure you aren’t one
ii. major noob avoiding strategies

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a. intro

i. what is this?
this guide is designed to give you a better understanding of what a noob is, how to recognize them, some details about them, and how to avoid or get rid of them. it mostly applies to online forums, which are the main targets of migrating noobs.

ii. defining ‘noob’
contrary to the belief of many, a noob/n00b and a newbie/newb are not the same thing. newbs are those who are new to some task- and are very beginner at it, possibly a little overconfident about it, but they are willing to learn and fix their errors to move out of that stage. n00bs, on the other hand, know little and have no will to learn any more. they expect people to do the work for them and then expect to get praised about it, and make up a unique species of their own. it is the latter we will study in this guide so that the reader is prepared to encounter them in the wild if needed.

noobs are often referred to as n00bs as a sign of disrespect toward them, and it’s often h-lla funny, but i will refer to them as noobs during this reading.

– usually the topic at hand on an internet forum.

b. common noob characteristics

i. noobish
often, but not always, noobs will attempt to communicate in their own primitive language, known as “n00bish.” it is a variant of the hacker language that exposes them as having little intelligence or will to learn. here is an example of some noobish. do not attempt to comprehend it: it cannot be discerned without professionals at hand.

stfu /../..an, i r teh r0xx0rz liek emin3m, u cna go to ehll or atle4st help m3 wit hthis!!111!!!!!!!1~~1!!“!! lollolollololloollololllll u n00b

although you may find this unbelievably funny and/or annoying, it is best to restrain yourself and keep from talking back to them, as they are very territorial and easily angered. this will result in their attempted verbal abuse of you, possibly backed up by other noobs, because they work in packs when doing offensive tasks. it is not an easy task to learn this language because our intelligent accent will keep it from sounding quite right when spoken. you can write some simple noobish of your own, however, by slamming your face into your keyboard repeatedly.

ii. where to find n00bs
on the internet, n00bs make their colonies on forums. they migrate in waves, usually on weekends, and proceed to clog up bandwidth with stupid questions and sometimes even stupid answers. if you happen to be unfortunate enough to be on a board large enough to attract migrating noobs, there will hopefully be authority in charge who is smart enough to take extermination measures before they can make nests and larger colonies. the banner hammer is one form of authority.

larger colonies can result in the mutation of some into spammers. not commercial spammers, but pointless spammers. a noob can become one of these at any point, but the larger the amount of noobs, the more chance pointless spammers will appear.

off the internet, noobs appear anywhere the focus is on learning or discussing something specific.

iii. behavior of noobs
since noobs are basically ignorant b-st-rds, they have a lot in common. the most often seen characteristic is their fluency in noobish, which is why it got its own section. they will also be very self confident as if they were the absolute best at what they are in fact the worst at. also, they are quite agressive and self-centered, and tend to laugh a lot using many l’s and o’s in rapid sucession (the noobish word for laughing like an ultimate r-t-rd).

it is their instinct to -ssemble in packs for defense, and they often attempt to organize packs that they call teams. unfortunately for them, teams usually result in a total loss of communication and they can often begin to fight amongst each other. these teams are quite unlike those formed by non-noobs.

noobs have difficulty reading english and cannot comprehend the idea of authority.

therefore, they have an all-out disregard for rules, basic or not. a good way to identify a noob (bad) vs. a newb (good) is to tell them (or have an authority tell them) which rule they are unknowingly breaking. if they respond with an apology and fix it, they are probably not a noob. if they react by insulting everything around them in rapid noobish and causing general mayhem, it is because they are a noob and have had a small seizure due to their inability to understand what is happening.

iv. noob religion
noobs follow a variation of the 1337 (sometimes 7331) religion, in which they worship the number in odd rituals and put altars in their forum avatars and signatures. they often call themselves 1337, which experts say is somewhat like calling themselves godly in a human language. it’s best to not interfere with their religious fantasies and practices because that can lead to a noob uprising, which can turn a forum to mush in less than a week.

v. more about noob habitats
noobs often attempt to maintain their own web pages. some common features of these lairs are a terrible lack of content, background music, lots of pointless animated gifs, and pages that say some variation of ‘their isnothing h34r yett lollolol!111!1!!~~~!!`! 13371337’, which means ‘nothing here yet’ in noobish.

they will also have large, seemingly infinite marquees of 88×31 affiliate b-ttons replaced with red x’s scattered here and there, and possibly a hit counter showing a number less than 100. these habitats are numerous but fairly easy to avoid because only noobs link to them. so if you can identify a noob, don’t go to its homepage. simple as that.

c. avoiding noobs

i. make sure you aren’t one
note: this section is bilingual so even noobs can make the discovery if they haven’t already.

english (t4lk)-

read the above parts of this guide carefully. if you find yourself unable to comprehend any of it but are instead beginning to think about how great you are and how awesome ‘teh 1337’ is, you might want to take one of the many available online quizzes to check your noobancy.

noobish (133713371337)- liek, u gott4 re3d teh gudiecareful1y and tehn omg liek i am r0xx0rz ya and ify 0u turn into teh r-t-rded u gota go 2 my webp4ge lollolol!!111~11 ad check 4 warez n stfuu. if u r a n00b go2h-ll lollololroflmf–11!!!11!!!! a/s/l pos gtg n00b suxx0rz ur b0xx0rz olooolollll help help help 1337133713371337

ii. major noob avoiding strategies
the main factor in attracting migrating herds of noobs is a large, active forum. if you find one of these, look to see if it has the management to avoid noob infestation. if not, look for a small or mid-sized forum that covers the same topic so you can enjoy your time there before the noobs find it.

another way to keep noobs from interfering with your life is to become part of the authority on one of these forums. but that’s often hard to do so you’ll probably be better off avoiding larger forums first off. if you do manage to become part of the authority, however, take full advantage of it and establish extermination policies so that normal people can have a nice time without noob infestations.
noob talk: lalwalwalwalwawlawlawa!~!~!~!!!11!!! 1m notttt n0000bz

i found one playing halo
a noob or n00b is someone that lacks intellegance or common sense, most people think that noob is a word used only in the online gaming world, but in reality it is becoming an ever popular word with teenage society.
a noob could be simply a level 100 running round shouting ”wtf do i go!?” or someone calling someone else a noob and then getting hit with a brick, anyone can call anyone a noob, but normally they are noobs themselves
-gets shot with chaingun-

“this game is no good, you all suck noobish b-lls you stupid noobs!-
a “noob” is a person who is new or inexperienced in a subject, usually an online game. noobs are usually annoying and excessively stupid. do not confuse noobs with newbs, who are inexperienced players that tend to be more mature and strive to become better.
noob: can i hav muneys pplsplsplsplzz!!11
newb: would you mind sparing me some money?
-later-
noob: pl0x sir!! money plszzz!!!111111111
newb: okay. 🙁
noob
1. a noob is a person who really sucks at a game but refuses to learn/listen to people who are skilled. many of them may have been playing the game for a while, but still suck at it. they usually have no hope.

2. noobs generally get extremely upset over being beaten and can not admit that they are bad at the game. often they will accuse the skilled people of hacking.

3. this word is an insult in general so people often wrongly use it and just call somebody that they do not like a noob, regardless of skill.

4. this term is often confused with the term “newb,” and people who confuse these terms are usually either noobs themselves, or somebody who is good but is just mean (and has a lot of pride for being skilled).

newb
1. newb comes from “newbie.” somebody new to a game and they will generally suck at it. however, the reason that they suck is because of their unfamiliarity to the game. they have the potential to become good. this is not a derogatory term.

2. also, newbs are not always bad at the game, as they may have played similar games in the past, but when it comes to knowing where things are, or information- they don’t know.

noob
1. player: hey man you keep getting killed, i’d recomend using a sniper rifle in this large zone, rather than that shotgun.
noob: dude stfu i no wat im doin -gets killed again-

2. -noob gets killed yet again-
noob: wtf u freaking hacker u suck
player: err…no i’ve just had the game for quite a while.
noob: stfu
player: …..alright i have had enough of you, noob. -begins to kill the noob specifically over anybody else-

3. -player1 sp-wns and picks up a shotgun-
player2: wtf taht shotgun shuld be minez i was rite there 2 pick it up.
player1: sorry, i guess i got it.
player2: u freaking noob i hate u.
player1: dude, we are on the same team, it benefits you as well.
player2: screw u noob!!!111

4. newplayer: hey where is the enemy base?
skilledplayer: rofl noob
newplayer: err….sorry i’m new.
skilledplayer: lol at you!!!!112@@
newplayer: ….

newb
1. player: hey man you really need to work on your shooting. you don’t seem to know where you are going either.
newplayer: …yeah i just got the game….sorry.
player: yeah, i remember back when i was a newb. you’ll get better, and learn where things are.

2. newplayer: hey where is the enemy base?
player: wow, i saw you shooting pretty well. how could you not know that?
newplayer: i just got the game, sorry. i’m kind of a newb.
player: but d-mn you shoot well.
newplayer: yeah, i played game x before, so i have experience with these kinds of games. but now i’m moving on to this game.
player: cool. alright follow me, their base is over here.
a word that the more you use it, the more it applies to you
“- you’re all noobs!”
“- stfu noob”
someone who does not know how the world works, what is going on, or anything. they aren’t as new as annoying. a newbie is someone new but isn’t an idiot. a n00b is the most annoying thing on this earth!
n00b1: u r such a n3wb, u sukkors n3wb.
howler silver: ….go away…
n00b1: kno n00b
howler silver:…i never even said anything….
n00b1: u r still a newb.
derived from online video games.
often confused with the term newb or newbie, but instead of meaning new to the game as the latter does, noob refers to people who have played the game for a whiel but still suck b-lls and are ignorant, selfish, and lack the most important skill of all, teamwork.
this guy is a total noob and he never learns, must have never partic-p-ted in sports while growing up. what a f-g.

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