norwegian vampire

a vampiric female that can live up to 300 years. this particular breed sucks the life out of a human not by blood, rather by sperm. despite their age, their aging process is relative to that of humans (i.e. a 200 year old norwegian vampire will look like a 60 year old woman). norwegian vampires can only birth females, which is why no one has ever seen a male norwegian vampire.

when they bite, they don’t go for the neck as a traditional vampire does. instead, she might seduce you into your hotel room or roofie your drink to bring you to her own home, where she gives you the best bl-w j-b of your life, undoubtedly due to her centuries of experience. in the midst of the action, she lowers her head and aims for the scr-t-m, maybe telling you to “relax” as she leans in to m-ssage your testacles with her tongue. then, in a matter of seconds, you feel an intense pain in your genitals, and you pull back only to realize that her locked fangs are penetrating your scr-t-m, causing your entire ball sac to tear off from the sudden jerk. she spits both testacles into her hands and inserts them into each nostril, forcefully sucking the sperm dry out of each one with a prolonged breath in order to live another day. as you scream on the floor in pain, she eats the pruned remainder of what were once testes in one gulp, and may also swallow the scr-t-m as well depending on her taste.
johnny: “wow, miss gilbert from across the street is hot. isn’t she single?”

johnny’s friend: “hey, before you get any ideas, i heard matt talking about a norwegian vampire living nearby before he went missing. they found his neutered body last night in the ditch two blocks down.”