nurget
a wombat-sized mammal, seen only in the sugar-snap fields of guatemala. nocturnal. highly dangerous. has three teeth, two pointed ones one the bottom and a single venomous spike at the top, aprox 4.3cm long. will die immediately if attacked by one. only known cure: cuc-mber. peculiar characteristics: only has 1 toe and 2 fingers. will attack for no apparent reason, groups especially at risk: fat people, ugly people, ginger people (nb if fit into all categories….probably best to avoid guatemala entirely). they live on a diet of sugar-snap peas and ugly, fat, ginger, stupid people.
first discovered, upon seeing evidence of a nurget bite on a mr walter nurget stadnik, after whom the creature was named. he has consequently died a slow, excruciatingly painful death. the discovery was made by nicola borland, uk, with the help of jem lloyd, who played a very minor role in said discovery.
“eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek, there’s a large nurget”
“why is my friend bleeding to death? he must have been bitten by a nurget!”
“would you care for some sugar-snap peas? no thank you, there might be a nurget hiding amongst them!”
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