Oscrology

oscrology: the study of the only religion recognized by the church of oscar, although raptor jesus is recognized as a viable and powerful deity. focusing on the degradations of all things resident of joelbania (even though joelbania is not important enough to capitalize, we shall do so mockingly and for the right use of grammar), oscrology is the belief system that requires its practicing pract-tioners to detest all things not worthy of the great and powerful sp-ce pope. as of the date of this inscribing, the hierarchy of oscrology features:

the omnipotent sp-ce pope oscar, successor to raptor jesus (whom you cannot directly address or else feel the wrath and destructive power that is oscar);
the chuck played by none other than the god himself sir chuck norris;
the cardinal formerly known as tim;
the ecclesiastical archbishop christina;
the patriarch stephanie;
the sp-ce metal guru from sp-ce c.m. (who revolves around the universe that is oscar, imparting their randomly awesome wisdom);
the cadet lauren;
the brother mouse and
the scribe jolly roger rabbit
we join together to stop all things unholy and to convert all things deemed appropriate, funny, useless, frivolous and worthy of nothing less than true oscrologist standards.

current practicing countries who identify this religion as the only true belief system are democratic republic of tim, lycastia, kitaly, and the small island nation of wimsee.

the main force of defense is the chuck norris with a defense that not even jack bauer can penetrate. although for small petty crimes deemed misdemeanors, the punishments will be handed down by lol cat (lol cat is a former slave of joelbania created by the head mistress of the joel himself: queen of the hos). lol cat escaped in search of a better life and a real religion and was rescued by the patriarch herself madam stephanie.

it should be noted that the joel has a striking resemblance to the geico caveman. we believe that either they are brothers or the joel disguises himself ever so slightly as to fool the less intelligent and faithful.

sp-ce pope would also like us to note, although he won’t tell you because you are not yet deemed worthy (and of course cannot address him directly as you could not fathom the superiority of his majesty and intellect) that he likes puppies, although not the inappropriate amount, just the standard, not sick, completely appropriate amount.

this message was brought to you by the church of oscar and was approved by the great sp-ce pope himself. one per person per household. upon reading this you voluntarily agreed to detest joelbanians, no credit check required. never approach the sp-ce pope oscar himself as you will implode. this offer not valid with any other certificates. chuck norris has not yet verified this message (as he has no need to explain himself). please see owner manual for further details. not yet rated by the fda. you may not amuse cobra spoon ever!!! taxes and fees may be extra. donations always eagerly demanded and accepted upon approval of the great and mighty sp-ce pope.
“joelbainians are a sneaky bunch, but they understand not the subtleties of oscrology”

from the book of timothy j. b. iii
chapter 3 verse 4567:

“..and the oscar descended from sp-ce and said upon the non believers, “olol… noobs”

“as the great rj said, that baby is in fact for sale.”

quoteth the patriarch stephanie: “aren’t you glad you get paid to do this”