Paducah

a town in western kentucky with a population of 26,000+ at the 2000 census. paducah spans from exit 16 to exit 3 on interstate 24. the notable sections of the town are as follows:
exit 4: a vast collection of redundant service-based establishments. fast food and retail chains stretch for as far as the eye can see.
exit 3: possibly the only redeeming establishment in the entire place, waffle hut.
downtown: a somewhat renovated array of historic buildings frequented by paducah’s most annoying cross-section of residents. here you’ll find a good number of delusional men and women who are under the impression that they’re affluent and have good taste. downtown is mostly known for its propagation of an “artsy” image onto the naïve minds of would-be tourists who honestly believe they’ll find paris’s latin quarter in western ky. high priced restaurants abound and generally pull in a decent profit margin thanks to restless suburbanites who enjoy feeling refined. downtown also houses a newly renovated district called lowertown. once a trashy area known for its crime rate, the versed and cultured paducans have now traded their modern weapons for modern art. sologans include, “paducah: art, rhythm, and rivers” and “lowertown: still all of the pain in the -ss, now with added pretense.” in paducah’s defense, the town does have a symphony orchestra, and the downtown district recently constructed new performing arts center. unfortunately, these establishments are somewhat offset by the fact that paducah’s highest educational inst-tution is a community college.
lone oak rd. (exit 7): the exact same establishments as exit 4, but with a road that combines the best aspects of failed city planning and kentucky drivers. chances of leaving this area of town without seeing a three-car pileup are roughly 25%.
the south side: currently holds the world record for density of used car dealerships per square mile.
exit 11 and 16: these exit ramps were basically constructed just for the h-ll of it. nothing is actually there.
“hey, did you see the latest art exhibit in paducah?”
“no…”
“oh. me neither.”

“i hear they’re building another church on hwy. 60.”

“hey y’all! hop on in the truck! we’re gonna go see larry the cable guy at the performing arts center! yeee-haw git-r-done!”
4 more definitions
the largest city in western kentucky’s jackson purchase region, and the only significant city in kentucky who’s name is of native american origin. has alot of character for a town it’s size, even having it’s own symphony orchestra. paducah once had a light rail system, as all significant cities once did, now has a bus system. the founder of dr pepper was from here, and the first factory was in the nearby suburb of lone oak (also the hometown of jeri ryan).
paducah has long had a significant jewish community, which was periodically evacuated during the civil war.
lower town, which borders downtown to the northeast is paducah’s fine arts district. once a slummy red light district with crackhouses, meth labs and crime, but thanks to the artist relocation program, artists from as far as nyc, san fransisco, hawaii and paris france have relocated here and have fixed up the dilapidated old mansions which were often sold for less than $10 apiece. this is where the yeiser art center and many galleries are.
paducah is finally being reborn, like a phoenix from the ashes.
did you see the story about lower town on the national news the other night?
the sh-ttiest and most boring town in kentucky of which only people from metropolis, illionis like.
kid:wow i dont want to go to paducah mom.
mom:we have to its our duty as illin-z-s
what comes out of ones b-tt…usually after eating some sort of fast food.
jason: man i ate at the porcelain palace last night. i gotta pinch a loaf.
clint: what??
jason: grow a tail, ya know?
clint: oh you gotta drop a paducah huh?
jason: i hope i don’t get another fissure.

a place where we do “whatevuh the heyull we waunt!!!!!!!”-
-translated: “whatever the h-ll we want.”