Papa Tom


the most cuddly of the tom subspecies. papa tom’s are extremely friendly. they love holding hands on any walks that exceed 2 and a half minutes. papa tom’s enjoy kids movies, as well as cannabis in any and all consumable forms.

local folk lore tells of his ability to transfigure into numerous forms. let him behind the wheel; he’s dale earnhardt jr. . get him killed on playstation; he’s dead tom. deny him of his liquor or weed; he’s brandon. he is everywhere, and he is nowhere. a master of illusion and confusion.

some question his existence, but they only get questions in return. a never ending cycle of questions renders those in contact mentally broken. no one can overcome this endless cycle of tom foolery. he is a modern day siren of the east. many have attempted such feats, but to no avail.
friend: hey i bet you’d like a pop tart mister?
papa tom: hey i sure would?
friend: yeah they’re pretty tasty?
papa tom: hey i know?
friend: ……f-ck

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