Pitchfork

christians have the bible.
jews have the torah.
muslims have the koran.

hipsters who are between the ages of 20-30 and claim to live in williamsburg (but who really still live with their mom in queens) have pitchfork media.
normal guy: hey, let’s go try that restaurant in tribeca.
hipster: i only want to go if it received an 8.0 or higher on pitchfork.
also known as pitchfork media. a pretentious, elitist, hype-mongering, trend-obsessed piece of sh-t website that specializes in “independent music”.

known for giving gushing reviews to anything that sounds remotely obscure. even if the music itself actually sucks. no, wait, especially if the music itself actually sucks.

too bad it only exists in online format or else i’d wipe my -ss with their sorry excuses for reviews.

also, all too appropriately, every hipster’s holy grail.
hipster: hey did you see pitchfork’s review of the new animal collective? it got a 9.6, so it’s obviously one of the quintessential alb-ms of the decade.

music fan: i think i’d rather listen to tool’s “lateralus”

hipster: psshh, lame!! pitchfork only gave that alb-m a 1.9. tool obviously sucks to anyone with taste in music

music fan: riight. but you obviously have amazing taste since you base your opinions entirely off of pitchfork’s numerical rating system. way to go douche bag.
a device used to -n-l-probe self-righteous pr-cks who pretend they created all of the bands they listen to and have never considered another’s opinion on anything.
get off your defensive high horse, fan boy; i will pitchfork ya!
what i’m going to drive through the head of the creator of a website for sh-tty indie music.
i bought the new metallica cd, good thing i don’t base my life around someone elses opinions.
(v.) what happens when you don’t move out from your parent’s bas-m-nt, instead prolonging college-lifestyle mentalities.
when he was 22, he was okay, but he’s pitchforked in his parents bas-m-nt looking at internet p-rn all the time.
now known as the hick version of the switchblades from carson!! the pitchforks!!!!!!!
i am gonna take this here pitchfork and shove it up ur -ss!!!!!!!
male version of the camel toe. caused by tight fitting clothing outlining the p-n-s and b-lls. found in males and transs-xuals wearing spandex, speedos and tights.
while a camel toe is a thing of beauty and wonder, a pitchfork is a vulgar display of a man’s frank and beans

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