pre-med

a group of college students who are studying the subjects needed to apply to medical school. like all groups, they include people who are nice and people who are not, as well as people who are smart and people who are not, among other categories. the not-so-nice and the not-so-smart however is what some think of when they think of the word “pre-med”. these are usually the sly people who try to get by and make up for their not-so-smart-ness by being backstabbing users. but people forget such people exist in other groups as well as they are all around us and arguably needed for society to accurate understand what makes humans human.

people who are pre-meds want to be doctors for many reasons, including the good reasons (which does not mean they have to join the army to save people because it will mean other sacrifices such as sacrificing being with their family) and not so good reasons. these not so good reasons include the misguided idea that they can make a lot of money, which is actually not true if they look at the amount of, for example, insurance they have to pay.
premed 1: i think i’ll drop premed after this test.
premed 2: what, why? how?
premed 1: i’m trying to score a c so i can show my parents and maybe they’ll finally let me be a math major.

premed 1: i now understand why doctors are so douche.
premed 2: you mean “douche” like someone walking around with a “number 1 premed” shirt?
premed 1: -looks down at shirt- oh yeah…

person: i hate pre-meds; they’re such -sses. look at that one walking around with a “number 1 premed” shirt?
premed: you mean like the guy walking around with a “biology major and proud” shirt?
person: -looks down at shirt- oh yeah…

person1: i hate people who use words like douche and tool. it’s just so…
person2: douchey?
person1: yeah, seriously. why can’t they just talk regular words? it’s not like we don’t already have words that mean the same thing.
large number of students who wish to be doctors one day. because of the amount of work they do and the amount of schooling they have to go through, other students usually hate on them and call them suck-ups. however, this is usually just a simple case of envy in which the other student is jealous of the pre-med’s brilliance, work-ethic, and earning potential.
other student: yo, you’re such a kiss–ss. stop sucking up so much in school.
pre-med: don’t hate because you know you can’t do this work.

other student: the world would be better without you pre-meds.
pre-med: keep saying that until you’re in the hospital about to die and see what your doctor says.
someone who hopes to go to medical school. even though they say they want to do so in order to help people, they only do so for the money. this is because of the immense pressure pre-meds receive from their parents. unlike white and black kids who actually have a sense of self, pre-meds lack the b-lls to tell their parents to f-ck off and chose a field for themselves.

most pre-meds are mostly asian or indian, have no friends, and alternate between hours of studying and hours of drinking. the last one wouldn’t be bad except once a pre-med gets drunk, it turns into either a crying girl or a loud bro, ruining the party for everyone else.

also, they are complete morons and only get by through memorization and kissing -ss. because of their incompetence, they are a great source of amus-m-nt for chemistry majors, especially in organic chemistry.

at some point during his/her junior or senior year, the pre-med takes the mcat, which brutally rapes the pre-med. what the average pre-med doesn’t realize is that the exam wouldn’t be so bad if the pre-med spent the last three or four years studying instead of thinking up ways in which to backstab peers.

upon failing to get into medical school, most pre-meds end up becoming lab techs (aka. the biology major’s and chemistry major’s b-tches).

–the previous does not apply to premeds who are in rotc. you men and women deserve a d-mn loud applause for your service.
student 1: “so what are you majoring in?”
student 2: “i’m pre-med.”
student 1: “that’s nice, but it’s not a major.”
student 2: “oh, i guess i’m a biology major.”
student 1: “why did you pick that field?”
student 2: “because i want to help people.”
student 1: “really? why don’t you sign up for doctors without borders or become a doctor in the army?”
student 2: “ummm….”

student a: “dude, that organic exam was so hard…”
student b: “wtf you talking about? all that was on there was nomenclature. what are you? a f-cking dumb-ss?”
student a: “yeah, i am a pre-med…”