raptor jesus

nowere in the bible does it say that jesus isnt a raptor.
lawl im in your base killing all your mans. -raptor jesus
just as jesus was the savior of man raptor jesus did the same for his dinosaur bretheren. see also denver the last dinosaur.
man bhudda could take raptor jesus!
raptor jesus appeared before me, and he said: “take heed my son, for there shall be many who doubt me, but whosoever believeth in me shall have everlasting life.” i wept with joy at the gift bestowed, “yet, my lord, what fate shall be given to the unworthy?” he answered: “their entrails shall be rent from their stomachs, their limbs ripped from their torso, to feast our hungry bodies, and restore our souls. whensoever you feast upon the heart of thine enemy, think of me.” for that is the beauty of raptor jesus.
one day, raptor jesus walked a busy street with his disciple, anonymous. anonymous and his like-named brethren populated the land on which they strolled, as common as blades of gr-ss. they walked, discussing many things, but, anonymous paused for a moment. “lord?” he spoke, “is not this idle talk frowned upon by your father?” and quoth raptor jesus; “all voice communicates knowledge. knowledge is hardly frowned upon by anyone, and thus your ‘idle talk’ does not exist, unless you speak of memes. memes are idle, as they are merely communication of things all know of” and thus our lord beckoned to a painting of an insanely smiling man. “however, memes can bring laughter and happiness, thus, one can surmise that he enjoys them, and hardly frowns upon them” and anonymous looked ahead, silent.
a meme that rose to fame when it was the 900,000th post on 4chan’s /b/ (which now has over 40 million posts). consists of a raptor’s head crudely photoshopped onto a picture of jesus.
raptor jesus went extinct for your sins.
our savior.
raptor jesus died for our sins.
the one and only savior of the internets, and cause of eternal flaming.

brought forth from the void, given physical form by the now famous 900,000th post in the 4chan /b/ imageboard. soon gained infamy as the /b/tards commenced to b-tch about the post, at which time the n-z- 4chan mods replaced the holy picture with the ungodly effigy of evil: donutp-n-s.

thus did the everlasting flaming begin.

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excerpt from the raptorjesus bible:
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the teachings of raptor jesus

and lo, did a drunken man beset raptor jesus and his followers. he came up to them, crying such things as “y halo thar!” and “b-ttsecks?!” the disciples were scared, for never before had they encountered one so intent on b-ttsecks. but raptor jesus merely smiled, and bade his disciples watch, that they might know what to do in the future. all of a sudden, raptor jesus did leap into a tree, disappearing from sight. the drunkard looked around in a confused manner. raptor jesus did burst forth, flipping out of the tree, his foot connecting with the drunkard’s neck. a sickening ‘snap’ emanated, and then all was silent. raptor jesus looked to his followers, pointed at the body next to him and proclaimed, “ninja’d”

chapter 9, verse 1.27
bill: “holy sh-t! did you just send an entire online community into a bitter flame war with a single post!?”

ted: “yeah, i pulled a raptorjesus, haha.”
our lord and the only protection against pedobear
oh no its pedobear!
dont worry raptor jesus is here to save us! hooray!

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