Raw Noodling

not to be confused with the sport of “noodling”, fishing for catfish with your arm, leg, or little sister, raw noodling may be used to identify the s-xual, though immensely dangerous activity of gently fitting a thin spaghetti, or more appropriately angel hair noodle into the urethra of a man’s shaft, sliding it as far as it goes or otherwise until he is notified by the sharp pain running through his p-n-s.

this is usually initiated as a s-xual fetish response and can be done before, after, or without coitus at all. raw noodling is rumored to have first developed in italy, though it’s true origin is still disputed.

the practice of raw noodling, in it’s carnal form, is altogether unsurprisingly dangerous and rather unwise. those unfortunate enough to be granted the uncordial t-tle of a habitual “raw noodler” are most likely extremely demented human beings and would like nothing more than to invade your own urethra with dried durum wheat semolina pasta sticks. these individuals could be anyone – your local store (big 5) clerk, your child’s friend’s soccer mom or dad who picks him up for his games, or the custodial technician at work, mopping floors in the after hours when you’re working overtime and seemingly inching closer and closer to your desk. you want to scream “stay back, you weird, little man!”, but you find yourself short of breath and perfusely perspirating.

it is best to remain cautious when “hookin’ up” with such folk.
example

john – “as i was making love to stacy, she promptly lowered herself and her attention to my midsection. at first, i thought it was something exciting, something i could have hoped to enjoy.. but when i felt that sharp pain ring through my p-n-s, i knew exactly what she had done. i lowered my gaze to my celebrated minion and witnessed a long, yellowish noodle sticking out of my urethra.”

jim – “sounds unpleasant and somewhat excessive. well, i’ll get back to you on that – i’ve a date with the wife. we’re thinking italian.”

——————————————————————-

3 hours later

jim – as jim was sitting in his chair drowning out the annoying prattle streaming from his wife’s mouth at the other end of the table, he couldn’t help but notice that there was only one noodle left in his pasta dish. as he became lost in thought over this lone noodle he did not notice the old waiter shambling over to gather their check. when jim saw a wrinkly, italian hand reach over his plate to pick up the check, he looked up at the man, while sporting bug eyes and a startled face, and asked him softly “have you ever heard of raw noodling?”