Relaxectomy
the surgical removal of stress. often done in a doctor’s office or at home. can be anything, but most often refers to m-ssaging and stretching. the word literally means “removal of relaxation”. the first relaxectomy was done by hec hanley on beatrice middleton. this is a nice way to relieve stress and is best if done before bed. so if you’re tired or stressed out don’t go to any yoga or tai chi cl-sses. go for a relaxectomy – they are so cool.
beatrice: oh no, i’m so stressed out. i need a relaxectomy.
hec: well, no problem. we can get our relax on right here, right now. have we got any martian mud?
beatrice: i see where this is going. you’re thinking of giving me a full body rub down, aren’t you?
hec: yeah, we got the martian mud here alright. hold still, now. (he starts rubbing beatrice with the martian mud) there you go! now, isn’t that creamy?
beatrice: yes! that is really creamy. what else can we do?
hec: we’re both still a little bit stressed. how about some warm up stretches? (they do a hanley hula) now, that’s nice, isn’t it? don’t you feel loose?
beatrice: not just loose – limber! just look at that swing! now, a gunny granny knows what she’s talking about. remember my creed, “a gunny granny’s gotta do what a gunny granny’s gotta do!”
hec: this is a relaxectomy. the world’s only stress surgery. pretty sweet, huh?`
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