Religious Tea

has been made since the dawn of time. the method is unchanged, and widespread, from catholics to muslims. every holy meeting will serve this drink.

you take an urn filled with enough water for 20 people and heat it to a stage that is beyond scalding. you then add enough tea leaves for perhaps 2 people and leave it to stew. when the time comes to drink it, serve it in fragile cups with a handle that heats up to the temperature of the liquid. despite the fact that the drink is horrible, people will drink it and smile sweetly. you can’t turn down tea served by a holy person. it’s one of the rules of life, along with “you can’t hit an old person” and “you can never b-ll-ck someone elses kid for being a little sh-t”

religious tea in a cofe church hall comes with a m-ssive side of sympathy that you didn’t ask for, and didn’t need. you will have your arm touched and rubbed by old ladies and will be called a “good girl/boy”

religious tea in a catholic church hall comes with a side of wrath and h-llfire and possible eternal d-mnation for thinking that you don’t like the tea. you may even have to confess if you don’t finish it.

religious tea in an adventist church hall comes with a side of awe and wonderment at the marvellous ways of g-d and sheer admiration that he saw fit to give us tea to drink.

religious tea in a mosque comes with a side of dynamite and optional pre- packed rucksack and train ticket
“would you like a cup of tea?”
“oh, yes please vicar”

(aside)- “d-mn, i f-cking hate religious tea”