roller-hag
in recent years, lazy women everywhere have fallen in love with the airport roller-bag. this isn’t about a true, specific need to transport heavy items over a distance on foot, conscientiously minding manners. no, a true roller-hag drags this freaking bag every day that she’s forgotten her manners. she drags the bag wide to the side, limp arm outstretched so her lazy -ss takes up as much sidewalk, escalator, doorway or walkway sp-ce as possible.
roller-hag spotting:
– bag is rolling at a wide berth
– hag is often walking slowly
– the other hand usually has a phone
– she is out of shape
– the hag rarely picks up the bag for any number of steps, instead opting for lazily flopping it at odd angles.
– even if she sees you coming, she will not allow you–man or woman–to p-ss first, thus…
– roller-hags often have an unfortunate trail of victims trying to go around
common locations of roller-hags:
– busy subway systems
– escalators
– elevator doors
– busy colleges
– other pedestrian rush locations
– anywhere you’re trying to make good time
survival tip:
if you see a roller-hag about to get in front of you and she has a drink held in a napkin or a snack, she’s not in a rush, so you’d better get in front before she cuts you off. she is pr-ne to stop at any moment to talk, sight-see, or find her phone.
victim: i can go get coffee next door and be back in 10 minutes… ! oh no! there goes a roller-hag! (picking up pace)… must… get… to… sidewalk… first!
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