Rude Awakening
the act of waking someone up from a deep sleep by pulling your b-tt cheeks apart, sitting on their nose, and letting go of your cheeks
alfie was sleeping in this morning so i decided to give him a rude awakening.
the act of putting a thumb over the mouth of a bottle of champagne and then agitating it order to bring it to the highest possible pressure. the bottle is then thrust into the -n-s of an unsuspecting girl (or, preferrably, a sleeping wh-r-), thereby shooting champagne into her rectal cavity violently.
generally, the finer the wh-r-, the finer the champagne that should be used. in the case of a 4 dollar “ho”, malt liquor may be used.
“the recoil from that rude awakening was quite a mess.”
– or –
the malt liquor must have fermented in her -ss after the rude awakening, because i went to work drunk after that 9 am rim job.
– or –
“the prost-tute wanted to charge me extra after i gave her a rude awakening, but i told her to f’ off and left. she couldn’t get up without malt liquor leaking out her -ss, so she made an un-hasty chase.”
– or –
“i rushed my rude awakening and hit the wrong hole. wouldn’t have been so bad if she wasn’t on the menses at the time. let’s just say there was cotton and chunks of blood everywhere.
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