Scrounge Lizard
a one-time distinguished gentleman who is now so deeply in the grip of a hopeless alcohol addiction that he frequents his local convenience store in the hope of persuading people, usually older women, to give him money to purchase white star/white lightning/white diamond/insert most potent cider that tastes like it was brewed in a tramp’s sock here.
this ploy may work on account of the subject still bearing remnants of his respectable past, may be fairly well-attired, and, besides a comical slur, appear articulate and well-mannered. some playful flirting and/or shameless compliments are vital components in the scrounge lizard’s armoury.
these tools cease to be available after more than two successful stints during the day. at this time the scrounge lizard, having consumed his bodyweight in cheap hooch and p-ssed his pants at least once, may resort to less affable and more direct means of fuelling his addiction, although when his flagrant piking is challenged the charm offensive is redeployed, to sometimes devestating effect.
note: the scrounge lizard’s natural habitat forbids off-licences as domains, usually because the clientele will not be susceptible to charm or sympathy.
“what took you so long? i’ve been in here ten minutes.”
“oh yeah sorry, i was stuck swatting away some pathetic scrounge lizard outside.”
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