Secaucus

a small, sh-thole where everyone’s wonderful.
underage drinking capital of the world.
everyone’s fake. i’m fake. the girl sitting next to me is fake. your boyfriend is fake. your mom is probably fake too.
population- 500.
we’re surrounded by jersey city & union city, but we’re too white for them. & we might get shot.
overpopulated by people.
cops come when you sneeze.
wanna-be-guidos reside here.
the whole town is like us weekly.
everybody knows everybody.
“i live in secaucus, woohoo!”
a small swamp in northern new jersey completely lacking in stuff to do but full of banks and gas stations. secaucus is made up of mostly fat italian kids. the only thing there is to do here is play beerpong, smoke cr-ppy weed in buchmiller, drive up and down paterson plank road, and if you’re lucky score some blow.

perhaps secaucus’s most interesting place to go is buchmiller park where you can usually find six or seven 21 year-old unemployed losers in bands hanging around getting drunk with their 17 year-old sl-tty girl friends.

the cops don’t do much either. they pretty much just drive back and fourth between the towns three dunkin doughnuts’s.
jersey city kid 1: you wanna go chill in secaucus tonight?

jersey city kid 2: no.
a town where a bunch of punk -ss sl-ts live. people smoke too much weed. the cl-ss of 2010 is whack. joey imprev is on steriods. and every cl-ss is a hoe like urtina. the parties are whack and drinking is our job. we dont like any other towns and think we are the sh-t. the best hang out is no where because all people do is drive around. never come to seacucus.
i hate secaucus
the burbiest town in hudson county, new jersey. until the 1950’s it was most well-known for its pig farms. in the 70’s and 80’s it became well-known for the outlet shops and warehousing. now it’s mostly known as a place for nyc tourists to find cheap(er) accomodations and big-box shopping, as well as the outlets waaaay across town. no more pig farms, just a handful of residents who act like pigs. many people in town are long-time residents and are good people with a jersey “att-tude”, though in the past few years there are more immigrants seeping in. despite that 2/3rds of the town’s land (most of that being swamp) is owned by hartz mountain, secaucus still has a real small-town feel, just drive down paterson plank road and see. marra drugs is delightfuly old school, hope it stays around even though cvs moved in across the street. natoli’s pizza is some good stuff. one of the country’s first blimpie’s outside of hoboken opened up here next to the old acme/present cvs. d-mn, do i miss that acme.
i hate it when the news reporters say they are reporting from “suh-cah-cus.” it’s see-caw-cuss, stupids! if you say it that way to someone from secaucus you’d get your -ss kicked straight into the hackensack.
12 minutes drive to midtown manhattan, when lincoln tunnel flows.
lt jammed? get a train, it’s 9 minutes to penn.
the station is too out of town? get a bus, it’s 24/7 to ny.

and you can park along the street and leave the car keys in.
find another place like this.
should we take a bus from the (secaucus) plaza to new york tonight?

naa, it’s tuesday, let’s go with my car.
town that really sucks, very boring, but has a couple cool people…full of rejects like jqwan, who have no life, and stalk young girls…not a fun place at all… tons of druggies…we have a cvs now, and its taking away from marra’s business, which i dont like at all…i graduate in 09, but some of the most popular seniors are : britt, larissa,black nick,john larissas boyfriend,felix is kinda popular, so are tiff, and the 2 laurens are somehwat popular too..but anyway, its overall stupidd !!!! dont visit, if you get here, turn the other way !
“let’s go to secaucus and get drugs”
totally awful. literally, an -ss is better than this town. its pretty much a sh-thole. the funnest thing people do is walk around screaming on the 5 streets in town with shorts up their -sses at 3 am. they argue and think their awesome but really, people outside of this town would find it so annoying. -outside; yes being that people in this town are so closeminded and that people here are always right & if anyone disagrees with the things people say, you need to be thrown in a mental inst-tution. this town absolulty sucks and theres like one middle & high school to go to. theres two elementary schools ; one in each side of town. both suck-ss and wouldnt know what education was if it shot them in the face. people here are retarts & honestly need to get a lifee. the best thing to do here if smoke weed at buch & hang around 9th street park at 5 am. their parents have no flying clue what their kids do & to be honest dont care. they encourage their kids to be in the “popular” group. its considered a crime to wear anything longer than your b-tt & you need to show your bellybotton. they make a huge deal if they see one person thats not as white as powder. well, bottom line , your better off in the ghetto. this town sucks. dont move here.
secaucus kid 1- you wannah go to secaucus? i mean have you ever heard of it.
someone out of town- no. i have heard of it and heard it was a sh-thole. i’d rather die than go there. its full of fat italians & annoying people.
secaucus kid 1- its not that bad! believe me.
secaucus kid 3- no! dont believe him! its terrible. im dying because i live here.
someone out of town- yeah im good. ill stay right where i am.

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