Severus Snape

n. an ambiguous character in the harry potter series. he teaches the potions cl-ss, speaks mostly in a whisper and snarls a lot.

in the books, he is a thin, spider-like man with a large hooked nose and greasy black shoulder-length hair. he wears billowing black robes and pretty much dislikes everyone.

in the movies, he is alan rickman in a non-wizardy but completely adorable outfit.
fangirl: aaaahhhhh! cuteness!
snape: silence!
fangirl: sevvie-cakes!
snape: do not call me that!
hot b-tch professor, who often stars in my kinky student/professor fantasies, where i’m the student, yay. :d
holy sh-t, snape is so dark and tormented that its f-cking hot.
aka: professor snape

s-x in black robes hogwarts potions master extraordinaire, and all around snarky git. once sworn enemy of mwpp, especially james potter, who saved his life, and sirius black, who risked it. secretly hiding a good side under all his b-tching and whining. also, inevitable true love of harry potter.
“h-llo, i’m severus snape, a greasy-haired git you cannot resist!”
s-xy potions master at hogwarts, hated by all the students there.
snape is hott!
a character (professor at hogwarts) in the harry potter book series by j.k. rowling (or, for you illiterate b-st-rds, in the harry potter movies).

characterized as a mean, slimy, suspicious and unpopular professor hated by most of the school’s students, especially those outside of slytherin.

this term can also be used by the hopeless harry potter geek to refer to said geek’s least favorite teacher.
hp geek #1: i can’t belive snape gave us so much math homework! i was going to finish chapter 54 of my draco/hermione fan fic!
hp geek #2: i know! wait, should i be concerned that i understand what the h-ll you’re saying when you use harry potter words to refer to aspects of real life?
hp geek #1: probably. maybe you should go see madam pomfrey in the hospital wing.
hp geek #2: doh!
one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, s-xiest men dumbledore has ever known.
severus snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, s-xiest men i have ever met
a severely snarky wizard who is a master at potion brewing. he is an ex-death eater who has spent more than a decade spying for a group of “good” wizards known as the order of the phoenix.

he can be described as having shoulder-length, greasy black hair; a long hooked nose; black, lightless eyes; sallow skin; and being skinny and “bat-like” (due to his billowing black robes).

severus snape is the former potions instructor at hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. his contract for teaching at the inst-tution ended at the death of his employer. while severus snape was indeed the one who cast the curse that killed the late headmaster of hogwarts, there has been much debate about wether or not severus had a choice in the matter. this writer believes that, while severus may be a horridly cruel man with a haunting past, he would never commit such an act without an extremely good reason.

severus snape was a harsh instructor at the school to all but students in his own house (slytherin).
severus appears to hate all in his path, but this writer believes his heart is not as cold as it is made out to be.

there are five main catergories of att-tudes towards severus snape:
catergory 1: “meh” you could care less if he was in the book or not. if he dies, great… if not, great. you hardly noticed him until the end of the 6th book and you still don’t care what happens to him.

catergory 2: “that evil @-&%ing b-st-rd!” you are similar to the “meh” catergory, except that at the end of the 6th book, you wanted his blood.

catergory 3: “i knew he was evil!! see? i told you!!” you’ve ‘known’ all along that severus was “evil” and have never liked him. some of you may even have little voodoo severus dolls with pins in the private.

catergory 4: “omg!!!11!! snape is soooo hottt!!111!!!” you are the most feared of them all. you think of severus snape as the alan rickman portrayal you see in the movies. silky voice, dark past, cool demeanor…. pure s-x to you. you’re most likely ditzy “blondes” (in the bad sense of the term… can also be ditzy brunette, red-head, etc. hair colour has nothing to do with intelligence) or goth wannabes with pictures of vampires and dead animals on your walls. get. a. life.

catergory 5: “severus is awesome. so much friggin’ junk on his plate and he gets treated like a dog with fleas. stupid idiots.” a much more toned down version of catergory 4. he may be your favourite character or not, but you respect him. you know he’s gone through twelve piles of stinking elephant dung for the light and the fact he gets treated like said piles infuriates you. you’d like to scream at harry to pull his head out of his -rs- for one moment to stop and think that he and severus went through the same thing withing hours of each other (harry being forced to give the potion to albus…. severus being forced to kill his employer and friend). you know he has dark secrets and you like him inspite of that fact, not because of it (like those in catergory 4).
in the minds of two great wizards… severus snape and albus dumbledore:
severus: draco! no, i knew he wouldn’t be able to cast the curse. then that means… no! i can’t do it. i won’t!

albus: “severus… please.” you can’t break your vow to either narcissa or me. you know that.

severus:there has to be another..

albus: you question my judgement?

severus: i.. of course not, albus. “avada kedevra!”

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