shitistics

the mathematical process by which one or a group measures the quality and size of their sh-ts. a way to compare sh-ts between competing friends/enemies. there is an average sh-t for humanity, as taken by jesus christ unto st. peter’s face (the holy sh-t), and sh-ts greater than or less than the holy sh-t is measured by standard deviation in terms of chippermonkeys. sh-tistics apply to size, girth, smell, denisty, color, and toilet clogging ability. sh-tistics are measured by a neutral arbiter in a “who took the biggest sh-t” dispute.
jason: sh-t dude, i took a huge sh-t this morning.

matt: what are the sh-tistics you sh-thead?

jason: size: 1.2 chippermonkeys, girth: 3.8 chippermonkeys, smell: 2.8 chippermonkeys, density: -1.9 chippermonkeys, color: 0.2 chippermonkeys, toilet clogging: 10.0 chippermonkeys.

matt: i guess thats a decent sh-t.

jason: sh-t, i had to buy new socks.

matt: tell craig to come measure the sh-tistics on the deuce i just dropped.
a statisitc that is sh-t. totally obscure and rediculous stat-tic that a) isn’t relevant to the topic being discussed or b) is clearly made up.
today i read some sh-tistic that 95% of college students don’t enjoy drinking.
noun
1. falsified fact or datum, esp. one used to solidifying a petty argument
see bullsh-t
he presented some sh-tistic to support some f-ggonometric aim.