Silicon Valley syndrome
silicon valley syndrome (noun): silicon valley syndrome, or svs, is a collection of personality traits and physical characteristics specific to individuals residing around the san francisco bay area. the effects of svs are often confused for autism or helen keller.
-do you tend to over–n-lyze everything in your life to such an extent that you’ve chosen to become a life-long academic in order to justify your obsessive behavior? this might include instances of spending hours at the grocery store while agonizing over the metaphysical benefits of chunky peanut b-tter or two-ply toilet paper.
-are you overly sensitive to caffeine substances like coffee, redbull or chocolate-dipped pretzels? is your knee still bouncing?
-do you make over $75,000 a year yet still find yourself wearing vans/new balance shoes and graphic t-shirts at work and during your free-time?
-do you shun traditional social gatherings that require that you interact with non-intellectual sc-m (read: non-academics that have 9-5’s and/or lowly humanity degrees) and that requires that you shave/brush your teeth/switch out one stanford sweatshirt for another?
-do you have multiple food/pet/medication allergies that require you to keep an epipen in the glovebox of your leased accord?
(ctd. from definition)
-do you have autism or asperger’s or an engineering-related degree?
-do you leave social interactions wondering if that raised eyebrow/bored sigh/bout of narcolepsy was because of something you said over the course of your two-hour discussion on phenotyping?
-do you currently hold or have you ever held a record that somehow relates to the rubik’s cube, minesweeper, chess or mathlete’s?
if you answered “yes” to most of the above, you could have svs. unfortunately, this is a chronic condition that often goes untreated in most; often thriving in hi-tech companies and toast master gatherings.
example:
non-svs friend: this party is so awkward! everyone is totally wasted…but they’re all talking about stem cell imaging or their boring day-trips to napa. i haven’t looked anyone in the eye for like, two hours!
more experienced non-svs friend: sigh. i know. everyone here has silicon valley syndrome like whoa.
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