Sloobendorf
the fifth house of hogwarts. those young witches and wizards that possess all or none of the specific qualities attributed to those of gryffindor, ravenclaw, hufflepuff, or slytherin are at risk of being sorted into this house. other defining characteristics of sloobendorfs tend to be a prevalent inability to interact in common social situations and extreme narcissism with no apparent source. the average percentage of students sorted into sloobendorf per year is %.0008. the only sloobendorf quidditch team in recorded hogwarts history had one team member. in his first and only match against slytherin, tinker t-ttlestop was ‘bludgered’ to death before a single point was scored.
the sloobendorfs were once required to share a table with hufflepuff, but the entire house avoided the great hall and starved themselves for a week in protest. the designated dining area for sloobendorf is now situated behind the raised platform on which the professors sit. 17 percent of all people who talk to a member of the sloobendorf house will kill themselves within the hour.
the most recent graduate of sloobendorf is charlie sheen (cl-ss of 2011)
when the sorting hat shouted ‘sloobendorf’ from atop pattywhirl prissykin’s head, 9 first years p-ssed out and one vomited all over his pumpkin pasties.
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