South Bend

a town in “michiana” where fun goes to die
if it weren’t for all the crack heads and cheap wh-r-s, south bend would almost tolerable.
a wonderful city, full of trashy people who all think they are the full mental and spiritual peak of existence because they own a 1992 neon with a spoiler and sh-tty stereo speakers. a heaven where whites hate blacks, blacks hate whites, and asians charge way too much for sh-tty buffet lunches. where kids if they even graduate from high school, move on to their parents bas-m-nt for the rest of their lifes, while working at barnabys, which totally makes it acceptable. a city with a crime rate higher than new yorks per capita crime rate, but hey you were just in the wrong neighborhood, which apparently means every neighborhood unless you hop the gate into one of the really nice houses fenced in on jefferson. where all the trashy multiracial, but mainly white and black rich kids drive in circles and try to beat people up for driving down mckinley. what a great city.

“aw man, you want to cruise the strip with us?”
“no how about i just blow my brains out instead.”

“we’re going over to tony’s(everyone knows a tony there) and we’re gonna do c-ke and get drunk and get high” “but its 2 in the afternoon on a tuesday””yeah so?”

“where you staying at now?” “i’m over at my moms place” “you’re 40!” “so?” “atleast i have a job.” “where?” “i make pizzas at barnabys”

newest billboards for town say,
“south bend, don’t get caught between lydac and osceola after sunset!””lincolnway, highway through h-ll”

“dude check out the new sound system my buddy tyreese got in his 84 caprice!” “what, the entire trunk is about to fall off!””yeah, well he had to drill a hole through the lock so his subs don’t get stolen again” “thats it, i’m moving. f-ck this town.”
a wormhole in the midwest where cool is defined by your pickup truck and how many buds you can shotgun in a sitting. also known as the home of notre dame, which tries to pretend it’s not a part of south bend by creating its own city.

you know you’re from south bend when…

– you have to tell out-of-towners you’re from south bend when you’re really from mishawaka or granger, and append that statement with “you know, where notre dame is”

– you make more money selling parking on your front lawn during nd football season than at your minimum wage job at up mall

– no matter what nd coach you get, you think he’s going to return the program to its glory days. case examples: bob, ty and charlie

– you prefer bud over amstel because why would you get a twelve-pack when you can get a case for the same price?

– you refer to your weekdays by bar names, i.e. corby tuesdays, rum runner wednesdays

– you are tailgating in autumn sat-rdays

– you get your booze in michigan on sundays

– you know what dyngus day is and don’t see anything eccentric about having a holiday devoted to beer and polish sausage

– steak n’ shake on a friday night after the football game is a revered tradition. letter jackets and warm-ups mandatory.

– you’ve ridden the kiddie bikes up and down the meijer toy aisle on a random friday night

– you think you’re too good for wal-mart, but you’d still buy clothes at meijer

– birthday parties as a kid were spent at usa roller rink, chuck e cheese, putt putt and ritters (yum!)

– euchre is a card game staple, even before texas hold ’em, and you carry a deck with you always

– you’ve ever partied in a barn

– you know several people who have hit a deer on more than one occasion

– you’ve ever done a donut on a random cul-de-sac in granger because the snow trucks don’t clear the snow there for some three weeks

– you’ve gone to grade school in four feet of snow

– the second it hits the 40-degree mark in late february, you’re donning the shorts and flip-flops again

– the fanciest restaurant you’ve eaten at all year was olive garden

– you know at least three high school cl-ssmates who have gotten pregnant

– if you’re not married by 24, you fear you will be an old maid

– if you’re not pregnant by 20, you fear you are infertile

– you got excited when up mall finally added abercrombie & fitch, because whoa… high fashion!

– you know at least one person whose family moved out of south bend to get them out of sbcsc and into phm

– you look back and think what a pain it was to have to explain the whole “we don’t change the clocks, ever” thing to out-of-towners

– your out-of-state friends laugh at you because they think you grow corn, and you laugh at them because ha, you don’t grow corn. but sadly, you know somebody who does.
south bend is home to notre dame, but notre dame sure ain’t located in south bend. (true story, look it up in wikipedia.)

unlike the rest of indiana, south bend is a city where white trash outnumber cows.
small city in indiana which is the home of notre dame and nothing much more besides places to drink and smoke.a place where a lack of anything to leads to nd obsession and more excess in drugs and alcohol.cited as the home of umphreys mcgee, tightest band on the planet. diverse area with a very large polish population.very segregated with clear “ethnic” areas.

south bend monday – doing nothing.
sb tuesday – doing nothing.
sb wednesday – doing nothing.
sb thursday – doing nothing.
sb friday – getting high and listening to umphreys wondering where to go.
sb sat-rday – getting drunk as h-ll at nd tailgating .
sb sunday – going to church and begging g-d for forgiveness.
a decent college town in northern indiana that is the center of michiana. students from the university of notre dame almost always hate south bend because they are afraid to live outside of the “bubble” which is notre dame, indiana. these people are apart of the large population of college students in the nation who hate the town they go to school in, regardless of what town it is. they hate south bend because it represents the real world with real people and problems, and is not filled with conceited, elitest, white ignorant college kids who overestimate their own self-importantance fueled by keystone light. notre dame reaps in billions of dollars a year and yet will not act like the catholic school it claims to be and -ssist the community with its problems (homelessness, aiding catholic schools in the area, feeding/clothing the hungry are just a few).
how do you get a notre dame grad off your front porch? pay him for the pizza and tell him to leave south bend!
a city in indiana that a lot of people wouldn’t know about if it weren’t for notre dame. it’s boring sometimes, but can be a good place to live if you’re in the right area. lots of teens can be found kickin’ it at the only places for entertainment, which are: the skating rinks, the movie theatres, wal-mart, and u.p. mall. every season in south bend is extreme. do not come here if you came from a big city, unless you like disappointment and lower standards.
where are you from?” “south bend.” “what?” “it really doesn’t matter..
a city in north central indiana that is the economic and cultural hub for the michiana region. it is also the home of the university of notre dame.
south bend isn’t that boring!

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