spide

native to belfast, but variations are found throughout the uk under different guises. (e.g, glasgow/edinburgh – neds, liverpool – scallies) spides have a general dress code. this consists of a tracksuit, baseball cap and brilliant white trainors. this uniform is often complimented with a few sovereign rings and the biggest necklace they can afford. a spide can often be found in estates or on some occasions in public. it is when they enter into civilisation that a spide is at it’s most dangerous, often hunting in packs for people they don’t like the look off. these groups include rival spide groupings, students, ‘hippies’, ethnic minorities and the elderly. it is advisable to avoid spides as they can get quite aggressive when confronted with reason. in their native habitat of the ‘estate’, spides like nothing better than drinking ‘carry-outs’ and fertilising millies. often cheat the benefits system
the dole office was full of spides many of whom had little tashes. janty was there too.
another way of describing the sc-mmy b-st-rds who hang around the street corners of belfast with plastic bags full of glue up their sleeves. they would steal the teeth from your head to fuel their sad little existences. dresscode = tracksuits, sovereigns + p-ss-stains. one of gods worst creations after cancer.
look at that spidey b-st-rd in his suped up sh-tmobile. just because it makes alot of noise, has no fear stickers, neon lights and alloys doesn’t mean its a car. and by the way, stop throwing fireworks you annoying little c-nt.
appearance:
-shaven head, yet still smeared with excessive amounts of cheap hair gel which should be used to ‘glue’ each individual strand of the ‘fringe’ to the forehead. tips of hair should also be bleached.
-greasy, dirty skin, acne, wax ridden ears and unwiped nostrils. the spides standing (chance of pulling a millie) is increased if they posses a broken nose/ hideous scars.
-having as much facial hair as possible for a 13 year old, this is known as the ‘bar code tash’ (fluffy hair on upper lip).

attire:
-baseball cap worn at 45 degree angle
-white jumper with hood,
-either white/blue tracksuit bottoms or cheap jeans with bottoms turned up
-florescent trainers or ‘cat boots’
-thickest, goldest and cheapest rings, ear rings and necklaces.

education:
-none

transport:
-anything they can steal
-a vauxhall nova/corsa, ‘souped up da f-ck’

occupation:
-steal
-drugs
-paramilitary work
-‘stroke’ from the government
oh sh-te we’re about to get the sh-t kicked out of us by those spides
groups of males (if you could even call them that – f-cking p-ssy b-st-rds) that hang in packs ( very similar to animals) that have the same dresscode and general appearance. this consists of the latest sportswear (track bottoms, football tops and of course their glorious ‘nike air max’). they wear the biggest coin rings they can find (im surprised they havent painted hubcabs gold yet and wear them on their hands). they have very badly shaven heads and barcodes on their upper lip.
usually a smick/spide is called the likes of “janty”, “aidso”, “anto”, “fra”, “cricky”, “dermy” or you can take their surname and f-ck it around too, just to make them be “sweet as”.
in their native belfastian dialogue, the word ‘like’ will follow nearly every second word or at the end of a sentence.
hobbies and interests include “fockin’ der b-tches” (millies), “spinnin’ tha wheeels” (of their bmx cos they cant score a corsa off their ma). “havin’ a swall” is another past time where they pluck up the courage to venture into off liscences to buy “shum doubelya kay dee bloo like” but if they get “knacked back like” (for looking like complete tw-ts) they ask other members of the public to cooperate with them in their hour of need. if you dont you’ll “get yer baallix knacked in like”
spides are generally slow witted, are morons and leech off the government and their “ma’s” until they are in their late twenties.
arch enemies to the local spide communties would be the “huppies” because they are different. “huppies listen to rock music and wear band tops (which can be quite annoying seeing most of them havent a clue about the band and have only heard one song and by the way korn are sh-te, metallica rule), spides listen to trance music or “beatz” as they call it and make the pilgrimmage to “g-dskitchin like” twice a year to pop a couple of e’s and listen to their fav musicians, (like dj-ing really involves talent…yeah right)
spides will steal anything and everything, including their mothers own tv just to get money “fer swall” or “drugz” because they are the sc-m of the earth and another thing all hoods should be shot – f-cking maggot c-nt b-st-rds
kevin: i dont like the look of that lot
mark: aye, those spidey b-st-rds would steal the shoes from your feet if you were sitting down
kevin: sc-mbag government leeching c-nts
“it is advisable to avoid spides as they can get quite aggressive when confronted with reason. ” never have truer words been spoken. what they also should have said is “millies f-ck anything with a pulse and an adidas watch”.

millies are the female spide. spides are like the chavs in northern ireland. utterly pathetic, travelling in large groups to make sure they dont get “bate” usually living life on the dole, and the worst part, picking fights with random people for no other reason than you are there. racist,sectarian,pathetic… the sc-m of the earth and the bottom of the barrel in the evolutionary ladder.
spides make sure they say “fock” and “leek” in every sentence.
a northern irish townie.
name comes from the spider tattoos worn by working cl-ss men (& women), ex-cons etc. originally called spider men shorten to spide.
spides go out with millies/millbags
look at the hack of those spides in their bad tracksuits and knocked off trainers, and w-nky baseball hats!
known in norn irn as “steeks” or “spides” these fearsome individuals terrorise the community. generally you have two types, a “taiggy rebel bawsturt” and an “arenge cont” depending on what estate they live in. spides can develop as early as 6 and some breeds are even seen until the late twenties. after this most are either in prison or have died from an accident involving a stolen astra gte. it is when spides leave thier council estate and enter into civilisation that the public is most at risk. particularly at risk are those known as “huppys” or “gafeeks” and “skateboarder freaks” are also high on the target list. if these sub cultures are no careful they could get anything from spat upon to gettin thier “balleex nacked in” if they are particular slabbers. usually belfasts other sub cultures are as much to blame but this is another matter. at the age of 15 most spides will have been forced to join thier local under 18’s paramilitary organisation. this may be the uym, ycv, pira or in the worst case scenario they will be forced to swear into the divis hoods liberation army. some of them get a driving test, and the rest of them buy a nova sr anyway. these are kitted out with a 5″ big bore exhaust and 6x9s playing the likes of dj tizer or clubland 6. for the more style concious spide they may ruin their ma’s corsa or fiesta 1.1 with the xr2i body kit so no-one will know the difference. for the ones that do it the legal way, these cars are always wrapped round a lamp post before the r plates end. at weekends, spides will enjoy daring each other to get served in the local “offees” for a 3 litre bottle of olde english or, for the particularly hardcore drinkers of the troops, buckfast tonic wine. once the spide can no longer get away with a b-mfluff ‘tache and encounters p-b-rty he will develop stubble. at this point they can then venture up in thier nova sr/train to traks and maybe pop half a “cheeser”. once drunk/tripping, a young milly(female counterpart) will be invited back to the car/his mates flat to get “skelped” which will more often than not encounter her getting up the duff. and thus continuing the cycle.
hippy: i love my korn t-shirt from fresh garbage, they are the best band, especially that song i’ve heard.

spide: i’ll bate yer balleex in ye huppy besturt

“lest neet, i wiz ebsalutely balleexed”

1
2
3
next ›
last »