SportsCenter

to give the highlights
my girlfriend was droning on and on about her day so i told her to just sportscenter it and give me the highlights.
the only show on television that shows highlights of alomost all of the previous day’s sporting events. however, any remaining time is spent discussing:

a) the lakers, especially the shaq/kobe/jackson feud.

b) barry bonds.

c) the yankees/red sox rivalry.
after ron artest beat up some fan, sportscenter was laker-free for about a week, because espn kept showing the same replay of the same fight over and over and over.
a daily block of mini sports soap operas packed into one hour. programs listed in order and the length of the episodes vary:

yankee country
manny knows best
the favre saga
the misadventures of t.o.
lebrontourage
the red sox chronicles (or sometimes a rerun of yankee country)

repeat the cycle until 2pm est.

and check this, they leave women doing the morning shift.
espn anchor: and still to come, we take a trip to ben roethlisberger’s natural habitat at the pittsburgh zoo. later, a rapper comes on stage! what the f-ck does this have to do with sports? who knows?! don’t tell us how to do our business, b-tch! it’s nawmally good!
viewer: man, even sportscenter could use an offseason.
lebron james
tim tebow
tiger woods
miami heat
tim tebow
new york jets
tim tebow
some baseball
tim tebow
lebron james
los angeles lakers
tim tebow
the occasional hockey/golf/tennis/some other sport espn doesn’t care about
lebron james
new england patriots
tim tebow
tom brady
tim tebow
tim tebow
tim tebow
tim tebow
top ten (or not top ten if it’s friday)

and that’s your basic hour of sportscenter
this is sportscenter
michael vick
barry bonds
and a pathetic excuse for entertainment
i turned on sportscenter to watch some nba highlights, but instead i had to endure mercury morris rap about the miami dolphins
a daily sports show that focuses on highlights of games and comments from experts. it has slowly gone down hill with anchors trying to live up to previous hosts with their bad and not funny catch phrases. also see stuart scott
i only watch sportscenter a few times a week due to the terrible anchors.
a good way to watch many sports broadcasts in 1 hour (most of the time) and get scores for the games you missed sittin on your lazy -ss watching p-rn and wackin pole
i was too busy pleasuring myself and didn’t catch super bowl xxxviii. however, i watched sportscenter and learned of the patriots’ magnificance.
a daily block of mini sports soap operas packed into one hour. programming varies each day:

“keeping up with the cowdashians” (cowboys)
“patriot way” (patriots/tebow)
“the quarterbachelor” (jets)
“total dodgers” (dodgers)
“red sock mountain” (formerly t-tled “the red sox chronicles”)
“lebrontourage” (briefly known as “erik’s angels” after lebron joined heat)
“diary of a mad black mamba” (lakers)
“as the club turns” (tiger woods)
“all my crashes” (danica patrick)
“johnny football” (this is actually a like short cartoon)
and of course the emmy award winning “yankee country” (yankees)

notable defunct shows as followed (with possibilities of each returning not ruled out, obviously):

“manny knows best” (manny ramirez)
“the favre saga” (brett favre)
“the misadventures of t.o.” (terrell owens)
“everybody hates barry” (barry bonds)
“ocho cinco numero uno” (chad johnson)
“clemonpatra” (roger clemons)
“one life to lin” (jeremy lin)
viewer: please can you please cover some actual sports?
anchor: i don’t know what you’re getting at. this isn’t sports, it’s sportscenter.