st. anselm’s

school for smart kids who don’t pretend that they are macho d-ck-sh-t. usually comfortable in their own skin. typically not concerned with what gonzaga, georgetown prep, or waspy private schools think. socially conscious, sensitive, solid group of guys taught by eccentric monks.
holton girl: my dad is rich
st. alban’s guy: my dad is powerful
gonzaga guy: my dad could beat your dad up.
st. anselm’s guy: cool.
the most chill, genuine, academically-focused, cl-ssy, and tolerant school in the d.c. metro area. too cl-ssy to be callin’ out other all-boys schools using definithing. unlike most private d.c. md and va schools, abbey boys have no reason to pretend they are “gangsta” because they are “gangsta.” it’s ne. not potomac or nw. the fact that st. anselm’s has a “rep” at all is phenomenal considering that there are only about 130 students in the high school. about half are intelligent and reserved, whereas the other students are intelligent, social, and party animals. all are good to the ladies (in more ways than one) and eventually get into the college of their choice. although some tend to be socially and s-xually inactive/awkward in high school, come college, all abbey alumni blossom into s-x gods. they will marry your high school girlfriend and be your boss in fifteen years. you’ll see…
abbey boy: hey babe, you wanna dance?
ncs girl: where do you go to school?
abbey boy: st. anselm’s.
ncs girl: oh.
abbey boy: no no no no. not st. alban’s. st. anselm’s.
ncs girl: f-ck me. now.
ok so most of them are nerdy but i know a few hot st. anselm’s guys and most of them are nice at least.
don’t pick on st. anselm’s guys!
one of the coolest schools in the history of the united states of america. every single girl from every single school is obsessed with our intelligence, good looks, and athleticism.
really hot supermodel: “hey where do you goto school?”
st. anselm’s guy: “st.anselm’s”
really hot supermodel: “let’s f-ck now”
most atheletic school in the usa…
st. anselm is the best team in the pvac the #1 league in america
a small boy’s school in ne dc known for its rigorous academics. conducted by benedictine monks, the boys are taught at a very young age to be afraid of the opposite s-x and to study until their brains explode. girls are not intimidated by their intelligence, but rather astonished at their failed attempts to socialize. social skills do not come to “abbey boys” until the later years when they learn to not care. then kairos changes everything and it’s all good once again. there will always be at least one girl from any given girls school who is unhappy with at least one abbey boy and at least one girl from the same school who is very happy with at least one abbey boy. sports are not the abbey boy’s forté, but they give it an honest effort every once in a while.
catholic schoolgirl: i went down to st anselm’s and found a really cool guy!

catholic schoolgirl’s bffaeaeae: oh yeah well i hate his cl-ssmates. they said they were too good for me.
a school where the number of people who go there is fewer than the number of people who paid to see glitter.
what else really needs to be said?