St. Mary’s College of Maryland

an inst-tution in southern maryland where affluent caucasian parents send their private school educated kids because they do not wish to pay for a private college.
st.mary’s college of maryland

dad “hey son your mother and i think you should go to st. mary’s college of maryland we cannot afford to pay for you to go to a better school since we just bought you a 2015 bmw.”

son “but father…”

dad “silence you imbecile!” -slap-

son -crying-
3 more definitions
the best school ever. you can smoke weed all day and write papers trashing capitalism all night. st. mary’s is where you go to study the rest of f-ckhead population usa. kids there don’t give a sh-t what they’re going to do after college, they’ll be a teacher or something. this school makes you a better human being. also the professors are awesome.
“so what’s your essay on?”
“i’m turning my paper for ‘s-xuality in modernism’ into a paper about communism.”
“oh yeah, i forgot you go to st. mary’s college of maryland”

“where are you?”
“i’m at st. mary’s college of maryland. i’m drinking beer with some people on a beach but all they have is natty bo.”

“i’m a student at st. mary’s college of maryland, and i’m so high i don’t even remember what i wrote in this urban dictionary entry”
small liberal arts college on the st. mary’s river in southern maryland. known (though this word is used quite loosely) as the ‘the public honors college,’ st. mary’s prides itself on the things a liberal arts college normally would: a warm and intimite atmosphere, a nice campus and a broad but balanced education.

however, after a period of prolonged exposure (15 hours or more) the atmosphere of warmth and intimacy deteriorates into smugness and paranoid colostrophobia, the niceness of the campus dies along with summer leaving it a barren and bleak gulag, and the broad and balanced education you thought would make you a better overall person merely prevented you from advancing professionally in any specialized field and instead transformed you into the most pretentious drive-thru manager your local mcdonald’s has ever known.

also known for frisbee golf, may day and hallowgreens. whether or not you like frisbee golf (it’s rarely called ‘frolf’ since there is no desire to save time among smcm students as their time isn’t valuable to begin with) you will find yourself dodging plastic discs at every corner of the campus. may day, the day in which students run naked from one end of the campus to the other, is the very reason indeciency laws were drafted. hallogreens is the crowing achievement of the drug and alcohol addictions that students have developed since their attendence; an event made even more special by the fact that students blackout in their own vomit (among other bodily fluids), dressed as their favorite 80s cartoon characters (a chilling visual representation of lost innocence. sorry- that was the liberal arts degree talking).

if you’re looking for a chance to never bathe again, save your birthday when you’ll be foricibly tossed into st. johns pond and subsequently contract cholera, to smoke weed, to drink cheap beer, to kick start a life of depression after your professors point out the infinite problems of the world without offering a glint of hope or feasable solutions resulting in you eventually blowing your brains out in the tub at the age of 27, to pop your collar and be either a waspy b-st-rd or a d-mn faux-hippie then early decision starts december 1st.
example #1:
tony: hey, so where do you go to school?
jack: st. mary’s college of maryland.
tony: oh mount st. mary’s! that cool. i–
jack: no, st. mary’s college.
tony: -blank stare-
jack: in st. mary’s county.
tony: -blank stare-
jack: in st. mary’s city.
tony: -blank stare-
jack: on the st. mary’s river!
tony: -blank stare- ….mount st. mary’s?
jack: -hits tony with a shovel-

example #2
employer: so it says here you attended st. mary’s college of maryland, the public honors college. could you elaborate on what a ‘public honors’ college is exactly?
sarah: well, i-i’m not sure. i think it’s because we’re all honor students at heart.
employer: -shakes head- wow, thanks. don’t call us. we’ll call you.
sarah: -cries-
a sorry excuse for a college filled with the biggest collection of unambitious, bottom-feeding, filthy, ugly, slacker, loser, sc-mbag dregs of the earth to be found anywhere on this planet. one is either a 60’s retread, a redneck hick, or of a lower middle cl-ss background of which you’re the first to attend college. faculty consists of third-rate teachers with degrees from third-rate (at best) inst-tutions who couldn’t find a job anywhere else. a certificate from an auto mechanic trade school would do more to make you a contributing and valued member of society than anything from this place.
st. mary’s college of maryland typical student conversation:

normal person: “so what’s your major” ?

hippie retread: “huh” ?

normal person: “you know, what do you plan to do with your life, what are your goals” ?

hippie retread: “uh, what are goals”