St. Thomas Academy

st. thomas academy (sta) is an all male, catholic, military, college prep high school in mendota heights, minnesota. it is populated mostly by upper middle cl-ss white kids that hail from the western suburbs, eagan, mendota heights and st. paul.

the const-tuents of this school are usually well rounded, but can range from meat head to egghead. a great number of students go on to top tier colleges; yet some choose to go on to nothingness, even though they have all the mental and financial tools availale to go wherever they please. graduating jocks elect to pursue their childhood ambitions of athletic superstardom via d3 sports, but typically have a chip on the shoulder that they did not make the big time (the school’s real sports stars are usually the most humble). most graduates, however, end up at the university of st thomas and basically do the same level of work they did in high school (13th grade).

while always compet-tive at sports (a number of state championships in swimming, basketball and hockey), the main draw is the school’s tradition. founded in 1885, it has a longstanding rivalry with crertin high school in st. paul. cretin usually beats sta these days, yet the rivalry remains nevertheless. the greatest tradition is the cadet colonel promotion, in which one senior is chosen to lead the entire school. this ceremony creates a heated compet-tion amongst students beginning freshmen year and lasting a lifetime.

cl-ssroom demeanor involves anything from disciplined attentiveness to childish fart humor. because, as much as the school likes to pretend it is raising men, all the students are childish boys that can act mature at the flick of a switch.

socially, sta boys are polite towards girls (at least more so than nearby public schools and other catholic schools), always dwon to eat out at restaurants on nearby robert st, and of three seperate drug abusing sects: 1)full blown alcoholic/pot head/mild cocaine user 2)drink rarely on weekends as to play both the good kid and bad-ss card 3)never touch anything to impress mommy and daddy/visitation girlfriend/boost chance at cadet colonel.

the last thing that should be mentioned is that, though probably the most h-m-phobic atmosphere you can find, sta students partake in many “gay” activities such as hugging, -ss slapping, and all around bromance.
cretin student: hey cake eater hows it feel to lose again?

st. thomas academy student: sucks, but you’ll work for me one day and i’ll take it out on you then.