Stonehill College

a college that has so few black people, you can get a full scholarship if admissions cant pr-nounce your first name. there are more white people here with sh-tty earings than a gay pride parade. the school takes pride in its shovel collection, which, if its new catholic agenda goes through, will be used to dig its own grave.

it is home to father cregan, an evil dictator who hates condoms, beer and fun. he has a dungeon full of puppies and is holding them until the one day when he will take pictures with them and release it as a calender.

it has also been recognized in the us world and news as the regional head quarters for dumb b-tches. a rarity in other parts of the world, you can hardly go anywhere without seeing a plastic faced girl wearing a northface jackets, ugg booth and furiously texting “wtf” to her bff about her bf.

in a vast effort to increase its diversity, stonehill in its new plan, is now very eager to accept people who have missing or non working limbs. as part of the plan,they get free tuition just as long as they smile.

stonehill is a great place. their official slogan is “come here we have m-th-f-cking trees!”
student: “i go to stonehill college.”

statistician: i see a high probability that you are white, rich and mentally handicapped.
stonehill college is small liberal arts college located in the perpetually dull town of easton, m-ssachusetts. in order to increase its diversity, stonehill has started handing out free tuiton flyers to the black kids of brockton. so far, limited success. the school is notorious for being super academic-based sunday through thursday and absurdly party-based friday and sat-rday. rumor has it that stonehill kids don’t really drink. this is a lie. the truth is, stonehill kids don’t really know how to drink. this is why, on any given friday or sat-rday night, you will find an ambulance in front of the freshmen dorms taking them in groves to the local hospital. other than that, stonehill is a lovely school full of trees and brick buildings. yeah.
doctor, we have multiple transports coming in from stonehill college.
stonehill is a selective catholic college located near boston on a beautiful 375-acre campus in easton, m-ssachusetts. with a student:faculty ratio of 13:1, the college engages over 2,300 students in 80+ rigorous academic programs in the liberal arts, sciences, and pre-professional fields. the stonehill community helps students to develop the knowledge, skills, and character to meet their professional goals and to live lives of purpose and integrity.

stonehill is ranked among the top national liberal arts colleges for how well its students learn through internships and study abroad, for having some of the happiest students in the u.s., and for how involved students are on campus. 97% of graduates over the past 5 years were either employed, in graduate school, or in a volunteer program 1 year after graduation.
student: “i attend stonehill college!”

friend: “that’s awesome! i heard that is a really nice school!”
a small liberal arts college in easton, ma. though it has a good academic reputation, it is a terrible excuse for a college. around 75% of the school’s population are complete squids and f-gs and have no idea how to party. it is pathetic. i remember when i chose to go to stonehill college, i read that it was not a big party school, though there were parties. that is not true, there are no parties at stonehill at all. there is no greek life and the few who live in off campus houses are weird as f-ck. the girl to guy ratio is 3:1, but in reality the amount of girls who go out on the weekend is so small, every gathering is a complete sausage-fest. there are some hot girls, but because the school is so small, not a lot of girls put out because the entire school will hear about it within a day. stonehill is the hotspot for the scrubs and schwaldos and if you want to experience a normal college party, don’t set foot on this campus. the worst part about the school is that all the squids think it is the greatest place ever because at stonehill, even a squid can be a “partier”. if you’re reading this as a high school senior, don’t even think about applying. north korea throws down harder than this place.
“hey man, do you wanna go to stonehill college?”

“no, i am a normal person…”