stress goggles
when finals sneak up on unwitting college students, libraries, study rooms and coffee shops (wherever they have free wifi to satisfy facebook addiction) start to fill up to the brim with college students with their books and notes, a curious thing occurs.
people around you will suddenly become more and more attractive the closer you get to finals, even when they are stylishly unkempt or reeking of red bull and cigarettes. this anomalous phenomenon can be attributed to many factors; procrastination induced horniness, sudden onset of booksmarts causing a sharp drop in common sense, or all that adderall, caffiene, taurine, nicotine suddenly kicking in at the same time to create a cl-sterf-ck of bad ideas.
this, my educated friends, is stress goggles. just like its early october counterpart – beer goggles, stress goggles turn bad ideas into good ideas and gives courage to the truly dimwitted. after fifteen redbulls, two tabs of addy, and a pack of marlboros, the only bad decision is an unmade one.
upon discovery of symptoms such as l-sting after unattractive members of the opposite s-x, licking things that normally shouldn’t be licked, breaking the three second rule, a good friend must properly restrain to the sufferer, so no one actually gets hurt. real friends don’t let real friends hook up before finals.
just like beer goggles, the next day can be filled with regret after sleeping off all the uppers.
below is an actual doc-mented conversation:
1. dude i think i’m in love man, i never knew i liked brunettes, but she’s really somethin else man
2. ok first of all, that’s a dude. take it easy on the redbulls
1. you know what? love knows no boundaries, and gender is a boundary, i say screw society and screw this paper i have to write!
2. dude you’ve got the stress goggles like the biznitch. calm the f-ck down or you’ll wake up regrettin it tomorrow.
1. thanks man i knew i could count on you
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