Suomi Surprise
a sauna-like experience where one stands in a very small bathroom with the water on high heat for an extended period of time, often while masturbating.
derives from the finnish name for their country, and is based off their legendary love for saunas.
to perform a suomi surprise, one must:
– have a suitably small, preferably windowless bathroom so that the heat and steam do not dissipate too quickly. (certain dorm showers with separate full doors and frames per stall work very well for this)
– have a suitably strong water heater, which will not become easily fatigued.
– have a chair, bench, stool, toilet, or sink counter to stand upon. this will keep your head in the clouds of steam.
– be completely naked.
step 1.
set your shower on very high. the hotter the better. strip off your clothes as it warms up, and mount your pedestal.
step 2.
if you plan on masturbating, doing so without p-rn is advisable. you will last longer, receiving more of the cleansing steam, and will also reduce the risk of damaging your electronics as the vapor condenses.
if you will not be masturbating, perform the yoga tree or mountain pose, and breathe deeply and slowly.
step 3.
sweat your -ss off, and enjoy a sauna on the cheap, in the privacy of your own home!
“kyle’s suomi surprises are really starting to wear on me. after forty-five minutes, all the hot water is gone, and i think the humidity’s dissolving the drywall!”
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