superquit
to leave one’s terrible job with no concern for consequences. it requires leaving a terrible job: a situation, occupation or some personal or professional conflict that creates a nightmare scenario. it also requires a m-ssively awesome action or set of actions upon your resignation, demonstrating to all and sundry that you now have absolutely no concern whatever about whether or not your ex- piece of cr-p company gives you a reference, whether they don’t like you, whether they will talk about you, or anything else. a superquit is unsuccessful if you do something illegal on the way out and get caught. a superquit is a statement of release and freedom, a strike back against ever-increasing corporate tyranny and wage slavery.
the setup: your company was sold. the new owner is a h-llacious little bean counter. the company culture and morale are completely ruined in a single month. no more insurance, no more ira, no more bonuses, no more raises, no more working from home – just a lot of politics and backstabbing instead. within two years you earn a new degree and find a new job.
the superquit: schedule two weeks of vacation. on your first day out of the office, log in remotely and send an email to the entire staff describing in detail the new owner’s ruination of the company. give your two weeks’ notice in this email, refusing any exit interview. take out an entire-page ad in the local newspaper telling the public to beware of them. hire a dog walker to bring your dog into the lobby and cr-p on the company’s floor. then have the dog walker cr-p on the floor. hire someone else to vandalize the boss’s car. spend an entire week answering scam emails with return email addresses from your old company. post negative opinions on any website where they were mentioned. bring all intellectual property with you to your new company – their compet-tor, if it cannot be proven where it came from. contact all the clients you used to service, to let them know you’re now at another company. in 4 years, the old company will be of business.
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