Survival Beers
survival beers (noun, always plural) are alcoholic beverages, usually derived from wheat and barley, which are consumed strictly for survival purposes after a heavy day/night/week of drinking. when one is faced with a seemingly insurmountable hangover, survival beers are the one proven method of getting you through your day. in most cases, survival beers are consumed shortly after waking up, usually at hours when the consumption of alcoholic beverages is commonly frowned upon by the general public. survival beers are known to have many confirmed benefits including, but not limited to: easing anxiety, increasing motor skills, and helping you regain the ability to verbally communicate. survival beers have not been proven to undo one’s actions from the previous night, or provide any tangible short term or long term benefit to one’s life. common side effects of survival beers include nausea, guilt, wasted days, irreparable damage to personal relationships, and termination of employment.
after blacking out at the red sox game on thursday night, john knew the only way he would be able to function at work on friday was if he consumed survival beers at lunch.
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