SUV bitch

standard definition:
an suv b-tch is a particular group of american females who drive a large luxury or high end foreign suv.

suv b-tches are hostile, domineering, inconsiderate, rude, and often deadly drivers. they are often seen cutting other drivers off, tailgating motorists, and refusing to let motorists merge onto freeways. these actions often lead to traffic accidents in which an innocent civilian is maimed by an suv b-tch.

most suv b-tches will only drive luxury or high end crossover suvs manufactured by mercedes, bmw, lexus, land rover, volkswagen, or infiniti. studies have show that most suv b-tches have no need drive such a large and expensive suv; however, scientists are constantly baffled as more suv b-tches appear on america’s motorways. it has been theorized that the suv b-tch drives luxury suvs as a sign of socioeconomic status and social dominance.

average american motorists need to be cautious around suv b-tches while on the roadway. the suv b-tch often does not focus on the aspect of driving and is primarily concerned with other factors. factors such as, talking or texting on the cellphone, putting on makeup, or chatting with friends.

most suv b-tches are white females around the ages of 18 and up. suv b-tches around the age of 18-25 are more likely to cause accidents.

when you see an suv b-tch on the roadway. follow these safety guidelines provided by the national transportation and safety board.

1. maintain a distance of at least 4 car lengths away from the suv b-tch.

2. if the suv b-tch trailing behind you closely. safely pull over and let the suv b-tch drive ahead.

3. when crossing an intersection with no stoplight or sign, remember that suv b-tches always have the right of way.

4. when merging onto a highway be prepared to yield to suv b-tches speeding in the right lane
randy: “craig what the h-ll happened to you!?”

craig: “i was on my way to work when i was blindsided by an suv b-tch in a white land rover”

randy: “what the f-ck?”

craig: “yeah, i was merging onto the interstate when some 20 something suv b-tch struck me from behind going ten miles over the speed limit”

randy: “dear g-d!”

craig: “turns out she was texting her friend alexis and she never saw me”

randy: “you need to take this to court!”

craig: “i wish but my lawyer said i was at fault!”

randy: “how?”

craig: “i should have yielded…..”

doctor: “craig, i have to amputate your left leg. i’m sorry but it hasn’t healed and its infected”
possibly the main cause of my death.

these drivers are usually women under 5 feet who drive expensive luxury suvs, such as the cadillac escalade, infiniti qx56, mercedes gl, toyota landcruiser, etc.

they are possibly the worst drivers on the road today. they have a lack of skill in driving as most likely they are;
texting
figuring out how to change the radio station
shutting up their spoiled brats
putting make-up on as they may have got plastic surgery
yelling at other drivers that the suv b-tch thinks are terrible drivers while the suv is the real bad driver
sorting out lawsuits because their kid got beaten up for showing off his blackberry

n-body knows why they buy suvs, primarily because “it’s safer than a normal car”, when they are more likely to roll-over. other reasons include the size, style and off-road capability (most of these luxury suvs have awd and not a real 4wd system).

gas prices and the economy doesn’t seem to hurt them also, for unknown reasons.
scenario: me and a friend are stopping at a stop-light in a normal car. the suv b-tch is texting her complaining son to wait a few minutes as she’s almost at the school.

me: g-d d-mnit, another red light!
friend: oh well… hey is that mom texting?
me: you’re joking right?
friend: no and she’s about to….

(me and my friend get rear ended)

me: oh sh-t! are you okay?
(friend is dead 🙁 )
(i run out to the suv b-tch’s suv)
me: what is your f-cking problem?
suv b-tch: i’m so sorry i hit the gas instead of the brakes.
me: yeah right! you’re f-cking texting on your phone for no good reason and now my best friend is dead! thanks a lot we’ve been best friends since kindergarden!
suv b-tch: well, you shouldn’t have been driving that small little cr-pbox, and i was telling my son i’m almost there!
me: i’m almost here my -ss! good luck as i’m going to sue you for reckless driving!
suv b-tch: well, i have good lawyers!
me: yeah right!