tech support

a phone line provided by companies so that they can say that they support their products and services. their philosophy is that the longer you spend on the phone, and the more menus and people you talk to, the more you feel valued as a customer. on the other line you will find:

1) a person who is proficient in communicating to you how inferior you are to their intellect.
2) a person who lacks the language skills to communicate proficiently, but does their best to make you feel inferior to their intellect.
3) a recorded menu system that somehow manages to communicate your inferiority to its intellect.
“i just spent three hours on tech support. take the gun out of the shoebox in the closet and shoot me.”
the meaningless job that all devry drop outs get stuck with becuase they are to lazy to graduate college, but just smart enough to p-ss someone off on the phone and accidently hang up on them because i’m so godd-mn p-ssed off that i just tried to hang myself with my phone cord but i’m such a raging pansy that everytime i get close to blacking out i freak out and just continue on with the call. tech support reps are the most pent up raging potential violent crimnals in america. i hate my life and i don’t give a sh-t if you can’t get on the internet.
caller:i can’t get on the internet
tech support: is your computer on.
caller:uh… is that the big gray box or the small black one?
tech:(on mute:kill me now g-d.) the big one.
caller:it’s supposed to be on?
tech:(on mute: why do you allow people to live g-d?)yes sir.
caller: well give me a minute and i’ll turn it on.
tech:(on mute- you stupid -ss hole turn on your godd-mn computer before you call, i hate you,your wife,your children even your cat, i hate your cat.) sure thing sir take your time.(since i’ve got all f-ing day.) that’s what i’m here for.
caller: your such a nice person to be so patient with me.
tech: thank you sir.(on mute-i wish death on you. why? why did i deserve this living h-ll?)

stop calling me i hate all of humanity. that’s tech support
people that live in india, indians.
“i can’t understand a godd-mn word that guy from tech support said.”
the people that help with id “10” t errors
people that are dumb call tech support
interjection
an expression of grat-tude, used when someone comes through for you.
note on usage: cannot be used as an adjective
person 1: “sh-t, i forgot my wallet!”
person 2: “it’s cool, it’s on me.”
person 1: “tech support.”

improper use: “it was totally tech support when you came through for me on that kidney transplant.”
a service offered by companies unable to create products that work consistently and/or at all. most often available via telephone, this service involves one or more employees asking for all of your information short of your f-cking eye color, after which, said one or more employees will offer vague, unhelpful suggestions that can already be found in your appliance’s manual. if none of said vague, unhelpful suggestions result in an unlikely success, employees will lamely request you attempt to turn off, and turn back on said appliance, after which said employee will a: disconnect your call or b: transfer you to an equally unhelpful department.
tech support: h-llo, this is 1-800-wereuseless, how may we be of -ssistance to you?

dave: hi, i’m phoning because i can’t seem to turn my computer on.

tech support: i’ll need some information first, is that okay with you sir?

dave: sure, go ahead.

tech support: age?

dave: 43.

tech support: name?

dave: dave.

tech support: account number and p-ssword?

dave: i kind of forget. where could i find those?

tech support: length of your fully erect reproductive organ?

dave: what?

tech support: i’m sorry sir, let me transfer you to the baby clothing department.
n. elaborate or deceptive underwiring in intimate garments.
don’t be fooled. those girls in i.t. are getting a lot of help from tech support.

it can be hard to navigate in a wireless mode when you’re used to a lot of tech support.

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