teju

the tejus is a sub species of h-m-sapien that is too intellectually deficit to reach the rank of h-m-sapien. they are commonly found around hiding around bushes and loitering behind safeway. if you ever spot one of these creatures, evacuate the area immediately, as they have a history of being grounded daily and are more useless than sh-t and male nipples.
2 guys at safeway

troy: what the h-ll, that guy is smoking weed behind the safeway!??

ben: must be a tejus, lets get the f-ck out of here before he comes to us and offers us some weed

troy: good idea

the 2 guys evacuate the area immediately
the tejus, or tegus, genus tupinambis, are large, fast-moving lizards of the family teiidae. they inhabit tropical and subtropical regions of south america, where they feed on insects and small vertebrates, soft fruits, leaves, and birds’ eggs. they measure 60 to 90 cm (2 to 3 ft) long and have powerful legs and long tails. the teju lays its eggs, usually six to eight in a clutch, in termite mounds, which serve as perfect incubators with well-regulated temperature and humidity.
i just got a kick-ss pair of cowboy boots, they’re made from teju skin!