the hutley

the critics write many names for the hutley. some may be known by ‘hutz’, ‘jhutz’, ‘h-rails’ or ‘h-man’, their followers hang off every word and enemies fear their awesome power. to describe the hutley requires more than words. they excrete the scent of man from every pore on their bodies, and have come up with more catch phrases than warnie has taken test wickets.

catch phrases aside for now, the hutley is a unique being, tempremental at the best of times – they live for the moment and dont regret their actions. although smaller than average in stature, the hutley makes up for this with their street fighting ability (or lack thereof). its common knowledge that you cannot tell whether an asian has a hidden bruce lee, and the hutley makes sure his enemies know this.

you know you’ve got a hutley when:

you hear any of the following original catch-phrases:

ur either man or ur not
are u a man or a mouse c-nt
im a maniac
i do what i want (possibly followed by: when i want, how i want)
u dont decide whether or not to do __________, you decide whether or not you are a man
im 2pac in the making… they call me jpac
is this c-nt serious?
does this c-nt wanna die?
im in the realm of mad c-nt
uve gotta man up sometime in your life
there are no pacts between lions and men
fight now or fight later?
thats a blatant lie
u feel?
im not a mathemagican
im gettin magneto tonight or lets get magneto (getting blind drunk)
u dont pick the roids… the roids pick you
ur like a piece of dirt in a dirt farm – nothing out of the ordinary

the hutley angers easily, and is not uncommon to see them hitting themselves to psyche up. when you mix a hutley with alcohol, you get a lethal combination. it becomes more arrogant, and the catch phrases appear more readily including;

wote wote wote wote wote
lets do this
dont f-ck around
im the f-cken mac
i got the sweet hook-ups
if you ever need anything, im the man to go to
i know people
$100 – thats chump change
e-loose-ive (loose on ecstacy)
i was on struggle street
did i stutter c-nt
i got the deals to make u squeals
my d-cks a key… a key to heaven
act like a man, get treated like a man
same sh-t different turban
i dont talk to dead men
a breast reduction – thats like slapping god in the face

when the hutley is in angry mode its best to stay out of their way. they are unpredictable, and will often try starting fights with p-ssers by. many such strangers have felt the stiff shoulder of the hutley, and none to date have decided retaliation was the best option in this situation.

lastly, due to there invaluable talent to provide cl-ssic catch phrases at opportune times and certain physical features, the hutley can be summised in two words: ‘miniature buddhas’. their presence enriches many lives, and their teachings are followed by many who have chanced a meeting with a hutley in their lifetime.
>>> davo: “i was on struggle street at the gym today”
friends: “looks like we’ve got a hutley”

>>> jim: “insert original catch phrase at perfect time here”
friends: “looks like we’ve got a hutley”

>>> the hutley: “insert original catch phrase at perfect time here”
friends: “f-ck… that was an awesome call”
the hutley: “are you c-nts serious? im a maniac… of course it was awesome”
friends: remember call, and use it as much as possible