the tone-gay effect

this mental condition is commonly found in the rarest of cases. the first known case was discovered by accident in 1876 by william harrington beckett iv on an expedition around the world. the side effects can be (but are not limited to):

1. creating social situations that never actually happened for attention, i.e. being “spiked” on a night out
2. play-acting at place of work, pretending to collapse due to “stress” and “anxiety”
3. fraudulent claims of abuse or misconduct
4. confessing uncharacteristic yet predictable h-m-s-xual love for close friends
5. constructing false narratives of physical confrontations with members of the general public
6. inexplicable erections that last for an infinite period
7. developing one-sided sado-m-s-ch-stic attraction to fiendish harlots
8. arrange appointments with cohorts only to disengage, re-engage and re-disengage from previously agreed upon plans
9. incessant correction, of, punctuation. being put in the: wrong places in a sentence?
10. becoming increasingly incestuous with ones own mother
tracey: so what’s wrong with my son dr.lancaster?
doctor: he is showing signs of what is known as the tone-g-y effect , i’m sorry madam, it is very rare, it is incurable and there is little we can do to treat it
tracey: does that mean he has to be sectioned?
doctor: i’m afraid so….