The Troll

a slang name for a nagging personal -ssistant or secretary.
hows work today, okay but “the troll” has been on my back about doing time sheets
like troll dolls, the troll is rather fubsy, making her supernatural deceptiveness all the more insidious to her unsuspecting victims. with stumpy little legs stemming from her stout stature, the troll comfortably dwells in damp and dark places, such as under rickety old bridges or on the inferior second floor of a college residence hall. her knappy, afro-textured hair bears unquestionable resemblance to the multicolored tangled nest of hair atop troll dolls’ heads. her wicked red eyes are themselves a life-sucking force that reflect the blazing depths of h-ll that reside deep within her shattered soul. whoever said that reese witherspoon and anna faris are cursed with unfavorably large foreheads must never have encountered the gaping expanse of flesh between the troll’s demonic eyes and grisly hair.

the troll is undoubtedly possesses many psychopathic personality traits. entirely detached from reality, the troll distorts the truth about not only present situations but also her past in an unsuccessful attempt to make herself more appealing. her unforgivable duplicity results from her obstinate emulation of others. the troll’s performs a self-prescribed apathy that supposedly makes her incapable of feeling a range of human emotions. thus, the troll is uniquely misunderstood in her isolation from society. this destructive world view nurtures her egocentricity and arrogance.
smc student #1: “miss tina makes the best cookies! they are so warm and gooey!”
the troll: “in high school, everyone asked me to come over and make cookies for them. i make the best cookies. want to know my secret as to how to make them gooey? i smash them.”

the troll: “…and i could totally tell that he was an engineer. all engineers have such low, raspy voices.”
smc studnet #2: “ummm that’s not true at all. my brother is an engineer major and he doesn’t have a low voice…”
the troll: “…”
the troll is the number one threat to humanity as he has always been. standing at 7 feet tall, he is rail thin and usually slouches to appear two feet shorter. he sports a reddish blue skin and two foot long tusks. for reasons unknown (perhaps a result of his carribean origions) he speaks with a thick jamaican accent. born in haiti as a result of a dark ritual by a whichdoctor, he is the embodiment of evil. a pract-tioner of the arcane arts, the troll is a renouned mage; his stark purple is testimate to this. he has been known to cause unbelieve havok throughout human civilization. he shot bambi’s mother, sunk the t-tanic, the luisitania, and destroyed the roman colluseum (single handedly, i might add). he has never been caught as periodically jumps inside of people through their ear and hollows them out from the inside. thus, he is able to commit his horrible acts incognito. the only time he ventures out is to feed. he can regularly be seen leaving children’s hospitals with a squirming burlap sack. the only man who knows of his presence, and consequently the only one who can defeat him, is dan scarfoni.
the troll stared at the kindergarten hungrily, “oh i bet they’re tasty.” he said.
lives under a bridge and scares kids, and gets scarier when it gets dark. countless songs have been written in her honor…
the troll i’m sorry but your ugly, your hideous, your scaring me.