Tim Allen

1. driving intoxicated under the influence of excessive amounts of alcohol, resulting in either:

a) a non fatal car crash.
or
b) getting pulled over by the police.

2. washed out comedian/actor. his current job t-tle is being a “celebrity alcoholic.”
1. a) mitch-ll grabbed his drunken, friend brad’s keys before he could pull a tim allen.

b) all those whiskeys on the rocks james consumed had caused him to veer over the bulevard and tim allen his car into another suv.

c) “oh f-ck! the cops dude… i’m totally gonna get tim allen’d here.

2. as tim allen gulped back his fourth tripple whisky and water, he watched re-runs of “home improvement” reminiscing on the good ol’ days…
to play the “uuueegghh?!?!” sound from home improvement and it’s intro on any sounding device, including word from mouth. you should mainly do the tim allen anywhere but nowhere.
——
all forms of the tim allen include:
“uuueegghh?!?!”
“eelreeee?!?!”
“eellrooo?!?!”
“aaarrghhrooo?!?!”
“aaarrghhreee?!?!”
or a high-pitched “eee!”
——
if another person knows what the tim allen is, or if you want to know if they know what the tim allen is, then make the sound–nice and loud–near them. the tim allen is usually responded to using another tim allen, which if everyone knows what it is, it basically becomes a chain reaction of tim allen’s.
——
things you can also use the tim allen for:
answering questions
asking a question
covering for a bad joke
responding to a bad joke
covering for absurdity
responding to absurdity
responding to something humorous
responding to anything
after saying something gross
after saying something weird
after saying something stupid
after saying something smart
after saying nothing at all
attracting other women/men
attracting other tim allen’ers
attracting flying spaghetti monsters
——
be careful, because this may cause absolute confusion. the good thing is, it never gets old.
jake: yo, what’s up man?
johnny: uuueegghh?!?!
jake: … what?
johnny: tim allen…
jake: …
johnny: eellreeeeeeeee?!?!
———–
johnny: uuueegghh?!?!
tommy: uuueegghh?!?!
sam: eelreeee?!?!
todd: aaarrrghhhrooo?!?!
jake: >=
———–
johnny: so how’s your boyfriend doing?
jake: what the f–
johnny:–aarrrgghhroooo?!?!
1) a type of hand-rolled cigarette commonly rolled accidentally by inexperienced rollers but sometimes rolled purposefully by veteran ones. formed by pinching your two thumbs in too hard while rolling your cigarette, the middle remains less densely packed (while either side is much tighter and smaller), leaving the cigarette with a distinct, flattened-isosceles-triangle sort of shape.

the name refers to the house on the t-tle frame of the popular nineties t.v. sitcom, “home improvement”, in which tim allen starred. during the t-tle frame of the intro song, the name of the show is framed in the same flattened triangle shape.

2) that cocaine loving motherf-cker from home improvement.
can tim allen roll a tim allen so fat that even he couldn’t smoke it? trick question. he doesn’t smoke anything, not even that crack bullsh-t. doesn’t even freebase. he just snorts that pure, white, colombian nose candy.
tim allen is known for being the destroyer of entire galaxies. he is most well known for his ability to destroy entire planets simply by playing reruns of home improvement. because of this, tim allen is the number one interplanetary threat for most planets. his arch nemisis is placado, lord of the seas and all its inhabitants.
billy: hey man i heard there was some kinda nuclear holocaust that wiped out the entire population of our planet last night whats up with that?

jack: oh yeah, that was tim allen. someone was watching santa claus 3.
not only the actor in home improvement, but he voice acts buzz lightyear…to infinity, and beyond!!!
tim allen pwns your freaking -ss!
to totally get owned; to use construction tools(i.e. hammer) to beat someone up;
i just tim allened your -ss.
see fubar
tim allen is fubar.