Tom Cruise Syndrome
when one is so overcome with emotion that he or she is compelled to jump up and down on a couch. initially limited to jumping on his or her own couch, the afflicted individual will take his or her couch tantrums to a friend’s house as the tcs worsens. severe tcs will generally cause the afflicted to -ssault the couches of complete strangers and minority talk show hosts.
moderate symptoms of tom cruise syndrome include:
-thinking you’re the sh-t
-going ape sh-t on a couch
-losing touch with reality/becoming dellusional
severe symptoms include:
-believing in scientology
-the inability to be taken seriously
-a dwindling (acting) career
-forcefully converting young and impressionable women to scientology
-jumping on oprah’s (or someone of equal social and economic status) couch to express happiness over marrying one of these forced converts.
-losing all forms of respect/street cred from the m-sses do to the symptoms listed above.
example 1—— that dumb-ss tom cruise hasn’t been cast in a decent movie since he appeared on national television and went straight kindergarten on oprah’s couch.
example 2———
douglas: “so i was trying to watch tv yesterday when my b-tch-ss sister came running into the house screaming that she got accepted to harvard. she was then struck with a bought of tom cruise syndrome and proceeded to disrupt my tv time by jumping up and down on my godd-mn couch while bragging about how smart she is and how stupid i am.”
jermaine: “so what did you do?”
douglas: “realizing that she had lost touch with reality, i did the only thing i could do—i ‘this is sparta’ kicked her off the couch and struck her repeatedly with her calculus book. now the dumb wh-r- has brain damage and can’t even remember her name. who’s the stupid one now, sl-t?”
when someone has become so into sceintology and thinks tom cruise is right about everything
dude, jack’s got a case of tom cruise syndrome
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