Toms River

suburban area where nothing exciting happens. most importantly, the coolest kids in the world live here. best known for the little league championship winners. also, everyone here claims that they knew piper perabo because this is her hometown. during the summer, seaside hts. is overrun with tourists and occasionally mtv for some strange reason. people are being “made” left and right. we have the worst mall in the world. kids skip school to go to the beach.
hey, let’s go to the poland springs arena to see bill cosby.

cool beans or applebees after the movie?
where everybody knows your name… because they’re talking behind your back. nights consist of riding up and down 37 and hooper asking, “so what do you wanna do tonight?” known nationally for our little league world championship, cancerous tap water, and the fact every corner has a wawa literally. we gave you piper parabo and… we go to the beach, no “down the sh-r-” sh-t. seaside is always overrun by benny’s and the waves are knee high (on good days), but the boardwalk is always good for a fight. careful of the dunes, they’re teeming with h-rny teenagers and sand people. our mall is beat and the best place to smoke up, castle park, is across the street from the f-cking police station! some mtv executive must own real estate here, cause north is always being made and we hosted mtv summer for 2 years!?!
let’s go to the terd (toms river diner)!
toms river is a large town with nearly 100,000 people. it is home to the largest suburban school district in the state with over 19,000 students enrolled. it has 12 elementary schools, 3 intermediate, and 4 high schools (including ocean county’s only catholic high school). it is near the beach and six flags great adventure. it is home to the largest non-teaching hospital in the state and the only mall in the county. toms river is known for toms river fest, one of the top 100 events in the country, winning the little league world championship in 1998, and one of the largest halloween parades in the entire world. it is a great place to raise your kids as it is located within one of the top places to live in the country.
i’m going to toms river for the beach.
toms river is the greatest place on earth! everyone who is not from the area talks about it like it sucks, yet they all come here during the summer to go “down the sh-r-” (even if they are traveling north to get here). tommies are not to be confused with the bennies who come here for vacation. the girls do not wear fifty pounds of make up and twenty pounds of hair everyday, and the boys do not sport brooklyn blowouts and wife-beaters to show off their non-muscles and no one has a trashy accent.toms river is most known for winning the little league world championship a few years ago. there are millions of people in this town which result is 12 elementary schools, 3 intermediate schools, and 4 (soon to be 5) high schools. toms river north (aka heroin high because one kid did heroin there like 20 years ago) is where all of the richies of the town go. the girls are hot the guys are good at sports and everyone drives a hot car. it is home of the poland springs areana and gets yearly renovations to keep it looking great. it also hosts toms river fest, an event that causes everyone who is from toms river to leave town. toms river east (pregnancy point) is know for having no windows. it’s located pretty much in the woods and is filled with prost-tots. toms river south (suicide south) is the oldest school and needs some fixing up. the students there have the most pride and support their sports and are invovled in most things that go on at the school. they also have a nice downtown area to walk to lunch and eat at java joint. mon don is the private school where people who are kicked out of the other schools go. if you are hungry just drive for five minutes and you will spot a hundred wawas no matter where you are. the mall is extremely tiny but kids between 7th grade and 10th grade flock there every friday night until they discover alcohol. half of the people who live here were on mtv whether they were being made or stopped by seaside over one of the many summers that mtv was there. when you are from toms river no matter where you go someone will ask if you know another person from toms river… and you probably won’t. toms river has one of the largest halloween parades in the world. you have to make your own fun in toms river and if you have great friends that’s easy to do.when someone from tomes river goes away to college they realize how great the town really is. you will never find anyone like a tommie. tommies believe that toms river is the best place on earth.. and it definately is.
i wish i was from toms river so i could be as cool as a tommie.
a town mostt known for the toms river fest. and for bad water and little league. our high school north is spoiled . the tweens love the mall and movie theatre. in the summer, 80% of the residents are at the beach. at night boardwalk fights are basically our culture. we do not pump our own gas. the girls are real and the guys dont walk around in wife beaters.girls dont wear much makeup and the dress in the latest trends. everyone from toms river loves the beach. our life is your vacation :]]
toms river is overrun by bennys.
where wannabe guidos tend to lurk. they also go to teen nightclubs and jerk each other off to house music. girls that go to teen nightclubs tend to carry around std’s and like to get silly on the dance floor, which is why girls from this scary town are called “sl-ts”. also, girls from toms river like to take pictures with duck lips and post them on facebook, as guys like to take pictures with there shirt off and a hat on, which makes them “fresh”. no other town near toms river likes them, so it’s always a big fight which ends up with toms river getting shat on, usually by bricktown.
foreigner: yo, lets get some b-tches from toms river!

bricktown kid: i don’t want an std man, let’s just drink some busch.
it’s a large town in new jersey that has many schools. this town has too many wawas and mcdonalds that a town would ever need. it is located near seaside heights, bricktown, manchester,island heights and beachwood. it is known for its cancerous tap water and the home of the little league world champs. there is a mixture of different social cl-sses in this town, but most people are middle cl-ss. the housing consists of anything from trailers to mansions, but mostly mid size houses. the night life in this town could be better, but its not too bad. many people like to go to the office lounge, fridays, tiffany’s, mcintyres pub, but many people also like to get out of toms river and go to places in seaside heights, pt. pleasant or belmar. there is a large population of teenagers that have rice burner cars. they like to bring there lawn mower sounding automobiles to white castle, wawa and checkers during the late weekend nights. they hang out there until the police chase them out.
toms river produces good baseball and bad tap water.

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