Toonces
the greatest cat of all-time. toonces, the cat who could drive a car (just not very well), premiered on sat-rday night live on may 20th, 1989, and was a series semi-regular up until 1993. known for his appalling driving record, toonces, in a written doc-ment, claims his abominable driving skills are due to a brain injury sustained while working as a stunt man on the dukes of hazzard. accidents include driving cars, trucks, tractors, etcetera off g-d knows how many cliffs, veering off the grand canyon, some catastrophic event involving a mechanical bull, crashing a ufo into the washington monument, and who knows what else. likely in nascar today, probably having caused ten times the original season record number of crashes in one race by now.
“see, i told you he could drive!”
“wow, this is– toonces, look out!! ahhhhhhhh!!!”
-stock footage of a car going over a cliff and crashing violently.-
“i thought you said he could drive.”
“well, i saw him up there fooling around with the steering wheel… i guess i just -ssumed he could drive.”
a cat who could drive a car. this is from a sat-rday night live skit.
toonces look out!!!
if while drinking with friends someone is not drinking as fast or as much as the rest of the party…instead of calling them a ‘p-ssy’ you call them a toonces!
hey toonces…finish your beer!
when you’ve got absolutely no f-cking shot anyway – what the h-ll? – you may as well let a cat drive your car.
“but she’s the hottest girl in school. and you’re a pee wee. and have a sh-tload of acne. and halitosis. and barely weigh 100 pounds soaking wet.”
“yeah – i know it’s toonces, but i still need a date to prom anyway.”
developer of starport ge.
probably the s-xiest cat alive.
m-ffin: toonces, you’re so s-xy.
you’ve been m-ffled.
/fondle toonces
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