Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

the sequel to the 2007 summer blockbuster transformers. michael bay is back at the helm in the director’s chair and steven spielberg once again serves as executive producer. the budget for this m-ssive special effects and action sequence laden sequel is reported to be at a whopping $200 million, which is $50 million more than the original, not that much considering the number of new (and somewhat interchangable) robots.

there is even less of a plot this time around and even more emphasis on action sequences and vfx. the dialogue is still cheesy and the acting is still lame. in the first movie the balance was about 60/40 action-story ratio. this time it’s at about 80/20 action-story ratio. to call it a cohesive script is an insult to writers everywhere. not to mention the numerous geographical lapses and robotic inconsistencies. the writers couldn’t even keep track of their own yarn they’re spinning. it can be best described as vague plot points surrounded by 10-15 minute action sequences.

the “plot” is as follows:

–the fallen sought to destroy our solar system in order to harvest the energon from our sun over 17,000 years ago.

–the order of the primes teamed up with the indigenous humans in order to stop him.

–the fallen is defeated. he retreats and waits for his time to re-emerge and exact revenge. humanity doesn’t bother to record any of these events into history.

–sam witwicky goes off to an east coast college to study astronomy. his parents aid in his moving and dog humping/pot brownie jokes commence.

–mikaela, who doesn’t have the funds to join sam, stays behind to work at her fathers auto shop.

–before leaving, sam finds a shard of the allspark that somehow hasn’t been found until now.

–after a battle in the kitchen with appliances that were brought to life by the shard, sam gives mikaela the shard in hopes of hiding it away where it can’t be used.

–meanwhile the decepticon soundwave hacks a military satellite to find the location of another allspark shard.

–soundwave dispatches ravage to attack and infiltrate a military base in order to retrieve the shard. ravage with the help of reedman steal the shard.

–with the shard, the decepticons are successful in locating and reviving megatron.

–megatron escapes earth’s atmosphere and heads to a moonbase with what looks like a crashed ship. starscream and the fallen lay in wait there for megatron’s arrival.

–the fallen reveals that he needs megatron to kill optimus for him since only a prime can defeat the fallen.

–after a battle in the forests megatron impales optimus, killing him.

–meanwhile sam goes on a search for the “matrix of leadership”, the only object besides an allspark shard that can resurrect a transformer, to revive optimus.

–the fallen seizes control and orders sam to be turned over to him and in turn he’d offer civilization some sort of sanctuary.

–the group which now consists of mikaela, sam, leo, simmons, the twins try to find a seeker by the name of jetfire a former decepticon that finds sources of energon and can also open muti-dimensional sp-ce bridges.

–with jetfire’s help sam and the gang find the matrix only for it to crumble to dust in his hands.

–sam’s parents get kidnapped in paris. (who cares?)

–a battle at the pyramids of giza complex ensues and sam is killed (momentarily) by friendly fire.

–sam meets the order of the primes and it’s revealed that he p-ssed a courage test (or some bullsh-t) and is revived next to a restored matrix of leadership.

–optimus prime is revived a mortally wounded jetfire sacrifices himself in order to bond with optimus and make him stronger.

–the constructicons form devastator and attempt to uncover the sun harvester by destroying the pyramids of giza, which were built around it.

–devastator has five minutes of screentime before he’s destroyed by an experimental railgun.

–the final battle also only lasts about five minutes. prime rips off megatron’s arm. prime then pulls the fallen’s face off and punches out his spark, killing him.

–sam returns to college

–the end

the fact that spielberg was impressed with this makes me think that he should be shipped to an -ssisted living home asap. also apparent was the fact that bay was given too much leeway on this and the overall film suffers. the studio should have split it into two parts, the action and the story. bring in someone credible to develop the story/dialogue parts and let bay work on his explosions, since that’s all he cares about. a third one is inevitable and it’s a shame since the foundation that was created for the franchise in the first movie was demolished in this movie.
guy 1: hey i saw transformers: revenge of the fallen last night.
guy 2: how was it?
guy 1: so-so. not as good as the first one.
guy 2: how would you sum it up?
guy 1: boom!!!!!
guy 2: but megan fox was still smoking hot in it, right?
guy 1: eh, the novelty is wearing off.
guy 2: dude, do you know how gay you sound right now?
guy 1: when you get down to it, she couldn’t save the movie on her hotness alone. that is too much for one to bear.
guy 2: d-mn. hope the thi…..
guy 1: don’t you even say it!
sequel to the original movie, transformers, which was a huge it. shia lebeouf and megan fox will star in it. releases june 26, 2009 in the u.s.
transformers: revenge of the fallen is gonna be the tightest movie in the world!