triathlon widow
spouse of a triathlete.
a triathlete is any person who was once human, but has now transformed into something super-human, and can no longer hang out with other mere mortals. they must spend all their spare time swimming, biking, running, and shaving themselves in order to keep their new-found sport god status. during this time, they are technically still married, but their wife/husband considers them dead due to their lack of normal human function.
note: the spouse is only considered a triathlon widow during the time the triathlete is wasting all their spare time spent training, racing, shaving, or thinking about their multi-sport addiction in general.
i’m a triathlon widow this weekend. my husband is gone from our family for 3 days to do an iron man race 5 states away. yes, he had to pay to be in it, and no he does not win anything.
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