turdarrhea

the one-two punch of a good old fashioned t-rd followed up by a torrent of explosive diarrhea.

it begins with a standard-issue t-rd forming in the colon from observing a normal healthy diet. then, usually whilst drunk, you eat something which is known to have explosive diarrhea causing effects, e.g. chipotle. this results in immense pressure buildup of diarrhea behind the t-rd “plug” in much the same way as magma builds up beneath a solid rock cap in a volcano prior to its eruption.

at some point you become acutely aware of this pressure and go scrambling for the toilet – if you’re lucky, you make it in time. what happens next is in many respects similar to the discharging of a cannon or firearm. the immense pressure wave propels the solid t-rd out of your b-tt, usually splattering it against the side of the toilet bowl like a sticky, smelly artillery sh-ll. the diarrhea then spews out in a manner not unlike the rocket exhaust of a sp-ce shuttle launch, coating toilet and b-ttcheeks with a soupy-yellow brown film.

best case scenario is that cleanup requires a jug of bleach and a hot shower. worst case, the hazmat team.
a particularly violent bout of t-rdarrhea cracked my toilet bowl and flooded my entire house with a two-foot deep layer of poo soup. interestingly enough, the little pieces of corn from my burrito survived the trip through my gi tract intact and were floating around like little yellow life rafts.