turtlegasm
most accurately defined as any excessive public display of uncontrolled excitement, expressed by wild shaking of head and limbs, inappropriate gyrations of the hips and irregular severe pelvic thrusting motions when in the presence of, talking about or even simply considering the thought of turtles.
most people in the throes of a turtlegasm are also very likely to drool uncontrollably with eyes rolled back into the head while making loud gutteral gagging noises with mouth agape all the while utterly oblivious to their immediate surroundings except for any turtles that may be in close proximity. victims of turtlegasm may also attempt to pull out their own hair, grope themselves and/or others, and inexplicably punch their genetalia.
turtles that happen to be present while a turtlegasm is taking place have been known to be licked wildly about the head and sh-ll and, depending on size, placed inside the front of one’s pants. newly hatched turtles are at risk of considerable harm in cases such as these although there is no malice intended.
a truly authentic turtlegasm is rare and difficult to doc-ment, although the first public turtlegasm is thought to have taken place somewhere along the southern texas coast during a m-ss hatching of a clutch of critically endangered kemp’s ridley sea turtles.
“marcie is so in love with turtles that every time she sees something that even resembles a turtle it sends her into a turtlegasm frenzy.”
a tortise-induced -rg-sm
i found a turtle, shoved into my ————, and had a turtlegasm!!!!!
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