Twific
a fan fiction based on the twilight series written by stephenie meyer.
many of these fan-fics are written by giddy 13-to-19-year-old girls that have a creepy obsession with edward cullen (the main character/vampire/”ideal guy”), while also having a severe hatred of bella swan (due part to jealousy caused by her relationship with mr. cullen in the book).
these fan-fictions are usually bizarre and deviate from the original story to an extreme some couldn’t fathom. it’s believed there’s an army of the crazed fangirls writing these with the intent of brainwashing everyone into believing that stephenie meyer is indeed, the greatest author in the world, and that twilight is the best fictional series to have ever been written…
all joking aside, the fandom of the series is ridiculous, and the fan-fics have no purpose in even existing. now i think i’ll stab my eyes out before my friends get into them and try to get me to read them.
-guy 1 walks in.-
guy 1: “hey, dude, what are you doing?”
-guy 2 quickly switches tabs, then minimizes his browser window-
guy 2 (nervously): “nothing, nothing, just uh- checking out some uh… pictures on deviant-”
guy 1: “ha! are you looking at a twific again?”
-guy 1 pushes guy 2 aside and re-opens the browser-
guy 2: “dude! shut up! my sister sent it to me!”
guy 1: “haha! i’m telling the rest of the fraternity! no more alpha kappa omega shower privileges for you!”
—
-crazed fangirl approaches random byp-sser-
crazed fangirl: hey! do you like twilight?!
random byp-sser: uh, sure, yeah, i guess it’s pretty… uh… okay…
crazed fangirl: ya rly! i knoright?!?!
random byp-sser: heh… suuuuure…
crazed fangirl: you wanna’ read my twific?!
random byp-sser: nah, i’d rather get shot in a random drive-by.
-random byp-sser then becomes the victim of a random drive-by-
random byp-sser: this just goes to show that… dreams do come true… -dies-
random drive byer: “yeah! after we hit up da’ liquor sto’, how ’bout we read some twifics, y’all!”
-other p-ssengers agree, while shouting and cheering about their victory against “the oppressive white man”-
—
other guy 1: “you’ll never take me alive! i’ll never read them! never!”
-other guy 1 stabs his eyes repeatedly-
other guy 2: “it’s a shame you can’t read these with your eyes anymore… but good thing there’s twifics… in braille!”
-other guy 2 pulls out several pages of a twific in braille-
other guy 1: ahhhhhhhhhhh!
movie director: “cut! no, no, no, do it with more feeling. don’t scream like you’re trying to win a role for troll 2, ya’ r-tard!”
other guy 1: “…i’m not an r-tard…”
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